/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45844830

Just as Hana was starting to doubt herself and started letting the world lines squeeze, looking at every angle in new ways and threading the path she’d take to escape in under a second, her mother spoke. Reimu’s voice trembled slightly, “I knew we’d have to have this talk sometime… Hana I- I want to start off by saying that I do love you.”

Hana shifted in her seat uncomfortably, not letting the world lines relax and keeping her eyes on her mother from unique angles. Her words may have been gentle and her posture unassuming, but Hana knew better than to relax. Her mother continued, her voice was still soft and docile despite the tension in her frame being visible even through her thick yukata, “You may think that I’m lying, or just… trying to save face after I’ve already lost everything. I don’t hate you… and I didn’t hate your father either I just…”

Hana felt a spark of irritation rise up from her belly like bile, she didn’t hate them…? Nevertheless, Reimu continued her words, the trembling in her voice abating as if her words were rehearsed many times over, “I couldn’t stop my rage from guiding me, I didn’t… It- It was addictive, the anger. I used to believe that it was the sake that would force me to do it, that I turned into someone different because of it.”

Clearing her throat, Reimu refocused herself shortly after her eyes seemed to wander somewhere far, as if she could be haunted by the same ghosts that Hana saw. It couldn’t be though, Hana refused to believe that her mother would ever consider such things even as she spoke, “I love you, and I did then just as much as I loved your father but I loved that urge more… I loved the power, the p-pain I inflicted thinking that I could control you both forever without serious repercussions”

Reimu’s eyes focused back onto Hana, they tried to assert a sorrow and injury that was felt all the way to her soul itself, but Hana could scarcely see that. Her voice grew quieter by a few decibels and her eyes looked off to the table below her, guilt was evident as was the way she subconsciously scrunched her socked toes, “I had- have demons inside of me that I could never control. Every day I’d drink myself stupid to forget about them and what I did to you both, I’d take and take without caring about what was thought of me… I’d wake up disgusted and when I had a moment to think about it, I’d be repulsed by how I let things turn out.” Reimu breathed in again deeply, yet none of the tension seemed to leave her as she exhaled and her eyes locked with Hana’s again, “I wanted to change but I’d just do it again before long, it was too easy- too tempting to just fall back into my old ways. Everyone expected it and there was no one to stop me…”

Despite her fear a fire of anger was kindling inside of Hana, a petulant disgust was making itself known to her conscious mind. She wanted to see her in pain, she wanted to see her mother hurt just like she hurt her. Hana wanted to see her get brutalized at gohei point, she wanted to see her get raped like what visited upon her father, she wanted to see her life snuffed out cruelly alone in the cold without an ounce of mercy. Hana was trembling now, and she knew it as she clenched her jaw with determination, determination to not give Reimu the satisfaction of seeing her visibly react.

Hana thought her mother must have seen her anger, even though she tried to hide her poisonous thoughts Reimu did know her well. For a second Reimu closed her eyes and paused her words, when she opened them again it was like something was barely kept back. Hana thought it must have been rage, of course the old bitch would be up to her old tricks at the slightest provocation! Hana knew she couldn’t win, that she couldn’t really do anything to stop her if her mother attacked. That it’d likely end up like it did with Marisa, her mother’s uncanny senses picking up on her movements and simply floating to where she’d be. Hana didn’t care, she was raring for a fight even if it’d end up with her bloodied and dead, so she could show the world what kind of women Reimu Hakurei was!

The dam didn’t break however, and Reimu continued on with her scalding words, “I even went so far as to push you both away from others. I always mistrusted your father, thinking that he’d turn tail and run off at the slightest chance. That he’d cheat on me if I took my eyes off him, so I pushed everyone I once loved away and if I even thought he was thinking of someone else I’d make sure he’d only think of me by any means necessary…” Reimu’s eyes moistened a bit, but she blinked it back, “I knew he had better options, I knew that a man like him could have pick of the litter and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him! I had to make sure he knew that he’d only think of me“

Reimu was sitting still in her juban at the now right-side up table in the living room, the little heater warming up the room as best it could despite the draft caused by the gaping hole in the closed sliding door. The lamps on the walls provided a warm orange glow supplementing the gray autumn light and making the room feel warm and homey despite the mess that still prevailed. The heavy earthenware tea pot you've grown to love was smashed to pieces on the kitchen floor so you improvised and used the the surviving thick tea cups to brew the tea after finding the kettle from the mess and getting the water boiling hot. You got the water poured over the tea leaves in both cups and stirred them occasionally to release the flavor, the steam and heat was lazily rising from the cups on the table that was like the eye of the storm, with all the litter having been swept aside making a small rough circle where you both now sat on opposite sides.
It wasn't all that long since you found the lump of Reimu under the futon and fished her out after comforting her as she sobbed messily for what must have been at least an hour. After confirming it was you it seemed that the unconsolable miko didn't even want to touch you even though she didn't stop you from cradling her upper body and head as you wiped her tears and cleaned up her leaking nose as you needed too. Even after she was done with the waterworks you still held her for a good while afterwards as the last of the heaving sobs left her system and she was stable enough, you noted at the time that her unwillingness to touch you was so extreme she layed in your arms with her arms crossed on her chest the whole time not even daring to touch your yukuta. Reimu was like a guilty dog after that, doing whatever you asked of her with a crestfallen expression and downturned eyes that avoided looking you in the eyes so it didn't take more then a soft word or two to lead her to the living where you cleaned up the place enough to have her sit at the table while the heater warmed up the place despite the challenge presented to it.
You sipped at the tea finding it strong enough now and slid Reimu's cup to her over the table to her side where she took it like a nervous cat pawing at a plate of food. Now that you sat down in better lighting and weren't busy you couldn't help but notice how ragged she looked, her hair she always took great care of was frizzy and tangled up while also having that unmistakable sheen of oil unique to greasy hair. Her face looked a bit more gaunt then you remember and pale despite the orange light from the lamps, her eyes puffy from crying and inflamed red nose contrasted the paleness making it even more obvious. Even her Juban was looking worse for the wear, with the occasional stain on it and discoloring from what you knew was once rather pure white thanks to your attentions. Overall she looked a mess like you've never seen her even after coming home from an incident banged up and bloody, and while you wanted nothing more then to pamper her and coddle the mess you called a wife you knew that wasn't an option yet, not until you got the obvious out of the way.
Reimu looked down at her tea cup warming her hands with it without taking a sip and simply stared at her reflection with distant eyes that showed nothing but the kind of contemplation drives people insane. You picked up your own teacup, sipping it slowly enjoying the heat that spread throughout your body as the nearly scalding liquid hit your stomach despite the overbearing heat on your tongue. You set the cup back down, your thoughts in order now and you opened your mouth, the first syllables causing Reimu to jump up and almost spill her tea as her gaze darted up to yours despite obviously not wanting too "Reimu" your voice was firm and steady "Why?". Reimu squirmed at those two words, shattering her already wavering will to maintain eye contact with you, but you were solid, you had to be after all. Reimu hung her head clearly trying to gather her thoughts as the wind picked up making almost a howl as the hole in the sliding door gave it pitch. The dispirited miko finally opened her mouth, "I... I... just thought... I didn't think... I wanted..." Reimu stumbled over her words as she tried to give her thoughts form infront of you so you waited patiently as she paused for a moment then resumed in a soft voice you could barely pick up. "I don't have any excuse... I knew you wouldn't leave so instead of dealing with my problems I forced them on you..." Reimu's eyes started watering again and her voice began to tremble, "A-after the first time I... hurt you... on purpose... I tried to reign myself in but I let the stress I was under eat at me.". She shook her head after those last words, "No... I used that as an excuse... I didn't have to take it out on you! I know that but... I let myself use you anyways knowing you couldn't oppose me...".
Reimu put her face in her hands as the tears came out again.