/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

You are now aware that no girl has ever masturbated to the thought of you.

[Anonymous No.]

>almost every girl who has liked you
So, no one?

[Anonymous ‮（≖‿≖ ） ‪‪‪‬ ‪‬ ‭‬ !Jones4ZrPA No.]

>hi mom im posting on 4chan!.jpg

[Anonymous No.]

I'm pretty sure I turned the only girl who has ever liked me into a man-hating lesbian.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441164
i was aware of that

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441157

I was going to say that no girl has liked me, but that's not really true. This chick I worked with back in 2005 pretty much fell in love with me... She wasn't too pretty and had a kid so I gave her the cold shoulder.

[Anonymous No.]

What's it like to have someone be infatuated with you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441161
when you were growing up, at least one girl has liked you. all of them hide it under the constant teasing.

[Anonymous No.]

I've never had a female in my age group like me. They've always been in my little sister's age group (13-16).

I find them pig disgusting and the thought of jail doesn't appeal to me.

[(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ BOOF ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) !AWEsomEEEE!!g4pQz5RFuPl No.]

no girl has liked me

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

HI, I AM G.J. SUSSMAN, FOUNDER AND CEO OF SICP. WHILE LAMENTING OVER THE LACK OF FORCED INDENTATION IN SCHEME LAST NIGHT, YOUR MOTHER CALLED ME AND ASKED ME IF I WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO HELP HER WITH A SICP EXERCISE; BEING THE FINE GENTLEMAN THAT I AM, I PUT ON MY DAPPER WIZARD HAT AND ROBE AND WENT OVER TO HER HOUSE. ROGUISHLY SNEAKING THROUGH THE BACK DOOR I KNOCKED HER OUT WITH A CUDDER AND TORE THE GARMENTS OFF HER RIPE BODY. HER FULL BREASTS AROUSED ME TO THE DEGREE THAT MY EVALUATOR STOOD STRAIGHT IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO DO A LAZY COMPUTATION. NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTAIN MYSELF, I SHOVED MY RIGHTEOUS SUSSBOY IN THE MANHOLE OF THE FINE LASS. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT DESIGNED FOR A MAN OF MY OBSCENE GIRTH, AND SHE WOKE UP FROM THE PAIN. NOT CARING ABOUT ANYTHING BUT MY MANLINESS, I CONTINUED THRUSTING AS SHE FAINTED AGAIN FROM THE AGONIZING TORTURE OF THE TRIPEDAL CREATURE LOOMING OVER HER. IN A MINUTE I WAS ABOUT TO EXPLODE WITH THE FORCE OF SEVERAL ANGRY SUPERNOVAS IN A SACK, . THE FLOOD CAME, AND LIKE MOSES I CLEAVED HER IN HALF FROM THE SHOCK. NOT STOPPING, I SHOVED THE HOSE IN HER EYE SOCKET AND LET THE REST OF THE SAUCE ENTER HER SKULL. AFTER THAT I WENT HOME AND READ SICP UNTIL I FELL ASLEEP. I GUARANTEE IT.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441183
I was never even teased. Quit reminding me of these things, anon.

[Anonymous No.]

I had a strange dream the other day. I was riding the bus when all of a sudden this huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes pops through the window and screams loudly "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" The bus had just stopped beside the library, and I ran inside as quickly as possible; the snake head was now chasing me around as I frantically searched for the legendary book among the shelves. I spotted the distinctive blue cover and ran toward it, the huge head inches from my ass. With great force I pulled the book from the shelf and instinctively directed it at the black head which by now was dripping with saliva at the mouth. It disappeared as it made contact with the book, disintegrating into a flurry of glowing parentheses.

I just sat there dazed for a few seconds, watching the feathery parehtneses slowly become smaller and fade away into nothingness. Slowly, I stood up, still clutching the purple book. I wondered about what I should do with it, then decided to put it back on the shelf. After doing so, I walked back out to the exit and boarded a bus, for where I did not know. The bus driver looked strangely familiar as I dropped the coins into the farebox;

"HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" he suddenly yelled at me. Oh fuck, I thought to myself. Now I knew why he looked so familiar: He was The Sussman!

[Houraisan Kaguya !NEATnUrmu2 No.]

>>5441188
But plenty of men have.

[Anonymous No.]

I am a computer programmer, which means I'm fat, nerdy, and have a tiny cock. I got AIDS from paying a cheap whore to fuck me, since I have no love in my life.
When the doctor told me, I went to the only thing I knew -- SICP.
I slammed my penis between two copies of SICP. It swelled up to twice normal size and fell off. I was worried.
I woke up the next day with incredible abs, a 14" rod of steel, and no HIV. I'm now an adult movie star, banging porn stars.
Thank you, SICP!

[Anonymous ‮（≖‿≖ ） ‪‪‪‬ ‪‬ ‭‬ !Jones4ZrPA No.]

Forgot your sage, Suigin

[Anonymous No.]

There are four engineers travelling in a car -- a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer scientist. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip
down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the computer scientist, who up to then had reading his first edition SICP, and asked "Well, what do you think?"

"..."

"Ahem, Dr. Sussman?"

"Why am I reading this book?"

"Uh, I don't know?"

"So that the room will be empty."

"Wait a second, we aren't in a r... !"

And at that time the three engineers were Enlightened.

[Anonymous No.]

IF U WERE FLAMED FOR USING LISP TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR SUICIDE CUZ ID B N DAT CUNTS HOUSE N SHOVE SICP DOWN HIS THROAT!
//`'''```,
o // LISP `.,
,....OOo. .c;.',,,.'``.,,.`
.' ____.,'.//
/ _____ \___/.'
| / || \\---\|
|| || \\ ||
co co co co
WE TRUE SMUG LISP WEENIES
WE READ SICP TOGETHER
WE COUNT PARENTHESES TOGETHER
send this SUAVE SPACE TOAD to every thread you care about including this one if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 6001 your A TRUE SMUG LISP WEENIE

[Anonymous No.]

>i
You have:
a Ron Penton Coin
a Coffee mug
some data structures
a copy of SICP
>e
You enter Ron Penton's Private Sexy Pleasures. There is a strong smell of smegma in the room.
>l
You are in Ron Penton's Private Sexy Pleasures. You see Ron Penton.
>put coin in Ron Penton
You put the coin in the Ron Penton. Ron Penton notices your data structures and starts peeing in your coffee mug.
>run
You cannot run. Ron Penton is filling the mug.
>PLUGH
You cannot PLUGH. Ron Penton has filled the mug and is staring at your asshole suggestively.
>throw data structures at Ron
You throw several STL structures at Ron Penton. Ron Penton is nonplussed.
>w
You try to go back but shitty collision detection prevents you from doing so. Ron Penton is approaching and licking his LIPS.
>read SICP
You start conjuring the spirits of the computer with your spells. Ron Penton twitches around.
>read SICP
Ron Penton's head has inflated by approximately 350%.
>read SICP
Ron Penton explodes. His guts are all over the wall.
>z
You rest.
>w
Now that the problem has been solved, you start heading back and take a sip from your mug on the way. OH SUSM-

[Anonymous No.]

had a strange dream the other day. I was riding the bus when all of a sudden this huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes pops through the window and screams loudly "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" The bus had just stopped beside the library, and I ran inside as quickly as possible; the snake head was now chasing me around as I frantically searched for the legendary book among the shelves. I spotted the distinctive blue cover and ran toward it, the huge head inches from my ass. With great force I pulled the book from the shelf and instinctively directed it at the black head which by now was dripping with saliva at the mouth. It disappeared as it made contact with the book, disintegrating into a flurry of glowing parentheses.

I just sat there dazed for a few seconds, watching the feathery parehtneses slowly become smaller and fade away into nothingness. Slowly, I stood up, still clutching the purple book. I wondered about what I should do with it, then decided to put it back on the shelf. After doing so, I walked back out to the exit and boarded a bus, for where I did not know. The bus driver looked strangely familiar as I dropped the coins into the farebox;

"HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" he suddenly yelled at me. Oh fuck, I thought to myself. Now I knew why he looked so familiar: He was The Sussman!

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441183

This one girl in my grade school class used to sit with me on the bus and pinch the fuck out of me.... She also had this eye disorder so we'd kneel down on the floor of the bus and make a tent over our heads with our coats so the light wouldn't bother her eyes. She told me the most crazy fucked up stories under those coats... I think she was sexually abused.

No idea if she liked me or not. I heard she turned into a very bitter introverted person that hated everyone in high school, but was still absolutely beautiful.

Also, this one other classmate of mine in grade school that I had a thing for eventually ran away with a 30 year old guy when she was a freshman in high school.

No idea what any of them are up to, but if I had to guess I'd say married, kids, shit jobs, etc.

[Anonymous No.]

Okay, I am fucking sick and fucking tired of these fucking threads about rape! RAPE IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Joke about anything else you want, /b/...

Joke about cp, joke about loli, joke about murder, joke about drugs, but DON'T FUCKING JOKE ABOUT RAPE! Rape DESTROYS a woman, it STRIPS HER OF HUMANITY! It is disgusting, inhumane, regressive and insane. RAPE IS OFF THE FUCKING TABLE, /b/, NOT EVEN YOU FUCKING VIRGIN ASSHOLES CAN BE SUCH FUCKHOLES THAT YOU JOKE ABOUT A WOMAN'S WOMANHOOD BEING VIOLATED!

And no, I am not some lesbian dyke cunt, I am a woman. I was raped. My virginity taken from me, I can never give it to a man I love. I was raped again and again and again and again and again by a random stranger when I was 15, And between you and me something amazing happened...and now I can talk to animals! Its really cool! But totally a secret. And you know what? Life's never been the same.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441259

I would love it if spamming fucks like you got banned, but I know that's asking too much from 4chan.

[Anonymous No.]

Okay, so I think I understand what's going on. You're curious that your "boyfriend" (read: fuck-of-the-week) spends a lot of time every day going F5 F5 F5 on 4chan's /b/, which is the only part of the fucking site he probably goes to. So you decided "Hey, I think I'll post a thread here and see what these CRAZY HILARIOUS INTERNET PEOPLE have to say!" I bet you like going to sites like Fark and collegehumor and Ebaumsworld when you're not posting glitter comments in people's myspaces and listening to the streaming mp3s they have linked on their profiles.

Also, you are a ridiculous waste of a human being with nothing better to do with your time than to sit here and say "Hey guys I'm a girl teehee I giggle and I'm soft and I get to wear cute clothes when I go out on Friday nights! Hey you know what'd be fun I have a good idea I'll sit here and press F5 F5 F5 on a thread I made and watch people from the internet talk to me!"

You're just trying to validate your vapid existence by proving your gender to you, yourself.

Femininity doesn't travel over Ethernet and DOCSIS, honey. When you're standing there at the bus stop in the morning on the way to your $8/hr part-time job, and people start talking to you, they're not "being nice people" - they're trying to find an opening to get a chance to fuck you. And you're so wrapped up in yourself that you don't even realize it, you just think that people are talking to you because you look cute and it brings a smile to their morning to see a pretty young thing like you.

But nobody would have known you were a girl if you hadn't fucking posted this abortion of a post. Therefore any and all conversation you're having here is completely initiated by you, for the sole purpose of garnering internal merit for yourself.

[Anonymous No.]

Reported

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441270
Hurr durr, because this thread is /jp/ related right?

[Anonymous No.]

OKAY YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER
GODFUCKIGNDAMN
FIRST OF ALL, YOU DONT FUQIN KNOW WHAT A MAN PAGE IS
SECONDLY, THIS IS /prog/ DO NOT DEMAND USEFUL ANSWERS THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE
THIRDLY PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT PHILOSOPHY AND ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
AND FUQIN LASTLY, FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BULLSHITE
EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED IN >>3,4 (Duckroll?),10

[Anonymous No.]

Hmm, whatever, its not really my problem and I'm not interested in getting involved into a relationship anyways. I allready get my dose of drama by watching how my friends are messing themselves with their own relationship-drama.

I mean, sure, its fun if it works but its a clusterfuck when it doesn't. Like, when a my friend's girlfriend(?) committed a suicide. Shit, that was fucked up. The guy was totally devastated by that. And then there is that case when my cousin's boyfriend uhm, killed my cousin. Like, a fucking month or two after they got their first kid.

What the fuck is wrong with people in this country/Finland?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441161
>>5441188
You don't know that for sure. are you psychic? no. there is a possibility, though small, that a girl liked you once.

[Anonymous No.]

Holy fuck guys stop copy-pasting shit all over the place and let this thread die already.

God damn.

[Anonymous No.]

I, like many of you, suffer from problems. My problems don't involve any of your implausible ones, but mine are worth voicing to you in hope of getting some advice.
Anyways, I began to play Final Fantasy 4 about a month ago, and as I dove deeper and deeper into the game, the more and more I fapped to hentai of it. I continued to do so until the last fight.
Then I played the game again...and again... and again... I found myself checking out Rydia every on-screen moment she had. I began to stop going to my regular sites just to look at hentai of one person: Rydia.
I eventually had 1000s of pictures and some doujins of Rydia. I began to spend what others called absurd amounts of money on merchandise, and my apartment is coated with Rydia everywhere.
I've shut myself off from family and friends and felt an urge to just snuggle with my Rydia dolls.. Rydia is all I need. She probably wouldn't like the way my family is or how my friends behave.
I'm in love with Rydia. I keep praying that she'll come to see me one day and decide to live with me. I have nothing left to live for but Rydia. I know she can hear me, so I always talk to her telling her to come and visit me so our union can take place.
So, this is where you guys come into the picture. You're an all-purpose advice board. You definitely must know a way to help Rydia break free from behind her glass prison.
Please help! She's my perfect girl, and she's longing for me as much as I long for her.

[Anonymous No.]

I am now depressed

[Anonymous No.]

So there I was in Little Ceasars getting some crazy bread and cheese sauce, when I look over at my girlfriend who's sitting down, apparently unphased by how much her shirt is hanging down and how much her titties are showing.

"Jesus christ, cover your tits up."
"I can do what I want."

Upon hearing this, the giant negra in line next to me turns to face me, makes eye contact, turns to look my girlfriend in the face, lowers her gaze to her tits, looks back at her face, looks towards me, I smile and nod, and he goes back to ordering.

She got offended I didn't do anything but hey, fuck that. I'll share.

[Anonymous No.]

FUCKING COPYPASTA-SPAMMERS, HOW DO THEY WORK?

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441284

Spamming like Gay Niggers doesn't help.

[Anonymous No.]

HAHAHAHA
YOU THINK YOURE THOUGH UH ?
I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU
THE FORCED ISOLATION OF THE HIKKI
GET IT ?
I DONT THINK SO
YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY WAIFU I GUESS ?
SHES 2D
AND IS NAMED ``ALICE''
OK YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT NEET
THIS IS /jp/
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST HERE ONLY IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED RONERY
LONELINESS IS ALL ABOUT ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
I HAVE 1CC'D EVERY TOUHOU
IF ITS NOT DONE YOU HAVE TO

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441329
>gay niggers
gb2/b/

[Suigin !fKazami5bE No.]

>>5441212
its somebody else

[Anonymous No.]

I think one of the worst plagues to hit /b/ is Caturday. If /b/ was once a place where only the Internet's finest would hang out and post the sickest images known to man, now all the cat lovers who never had anything to do with /b/ come here to post their "ZOMG SUPER KAWAII" cat images. Just for the record, I have 2 cats, and I take care of them very well, even though they're male and female which makes the task more difficult. It didn't bother me much when it took place during Saturday, but the "EVERY DAY IS CATURDAY" and Caturday "After Parties" is where it crosses my line. Take the lolcats.com site as an example. The retard who made it has nothing to do with /b/, and neither do any of the fags who replied to him (MySpace fags). /b/ turned from the asshole of the internet to a place where fags from Gaia and MySpace meet to make faggy discussions. It gets worse when the Caturday fags say stuff like this, and I quote:

>Yeah, because Anonymous knows /b/ hates cats.

Anonymous and /b/ hate everything and everyone in the world you idiots, get the fuck out.

Caturday is a reigning plague of faggotry that must be stopped.

[Anonymous No.]

>>5441329
Probably just the OP anyway, butthurt because his thread wouldn't get any replies otherwise.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm going to kick your ass faggot. You think you're tough? lets see how tough you are with a couple rounds from my .45 lodged in your skull. Kinda hard to talk shit when I've blown half your face off. You better watch yourself faggots, I work for the fucking CIA, if I want you dead, you are dead. Its that fucking simple. Watch your god damned fucking mouth. I have over 30 years military training, I would rip your spine out while raping your fucking mother up her dried up old skanky cunt. I would then proceed to bundle up what remains of your body and shove my 12 inch cock down your throat and skull fuck you till my cum oozes from every hole in your body. Watch your fucking back. I'm coming for you.

[Anonymous No.]

I'd like to ask a question to everyone who thinks the name "cockmongler" is so important: have you thought about how many young people might be viewing this site? I know my teenage son LOVES to hang out on 4chan and other "anime" sites while he's at school. I really don't think such a funny picture needs a vulgar name like "cockmongler" to be funny.

The picture is good no matter what name we call it. "Grinman" is a meme we can show to our friends and family of every age. Would you try to give grandma a smile by showing her "cockmongler"?

It's a big internet out there, and the best memes are memes for people of all ages and cultures. I know I'm in the minority on this one, but how would all of you feel if I started calling this picture "Erection Cat"?