/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

ITT: We greentext our own beta stories

Last night

>friends with girl
>she's very touchy: punches me, pokes me, grabs my arm when we walk
>feel like we're getting along very well
>tell her i like her
>"awwwwwwwwwww, but we're like... best friends :D"
>me: haha I guess you're right. I'm just glad I could get all this out. I feel like I can be more open with you now
>leave with a smile
>as soon as I get back in my car I cry uncontrollably

[Anonymous No.]

I think you missed /v/.

[Anonymous No.]

>meet girl through friend
>enjoy each other's company
>start holding hands while we walk around campus
>ask her out on a date
>she blows me off to go hang out with her friends without even telling me beforehand
>tell my friend about it
>she bitches her out for me
>girl apologizes to me
>her reasoning: "i thought things were going to fast"
>she wants to try things out again but go slower
>friendzone her
>alpha as fuck
u mad

[Anonymous No.]

god this board has turned to shit

>>>/b/

[Anonymous No.]

But that's what /v/ is for.

[Anonymous No.]

Normalfag general thread. No self respecting trueNEET would dirty himself by talking to 3DPD.

[Anonymous No.]

>break up with gf
>month later
>it's weekend of my birthday
>ex asks if I can help her move back home
>help her all day Friday
>go to dinner, she actually pays since it's my birthday
>go back to move some more
>sit down on her bed with her
>still playful and gay with her
>on top of her
>kiss her
>she just giggles, smiles, and nothing
>spend the night, kinda pissed
>want to share blow up mattress, I don't move, so she just sleeps on the couch
>next morning
>drive home and help her unpack
>finish
>"OK, well, I'll see you later. Bye."

Seen her once since then. That was little over 2 years ago.

No action since

also reported for non otaku culture

[Anonymous No.]

>join irc channel
>someone asks a question
>know the answer
>spend next 10 minutes making sure im right on google
>dont say anything anyway
>someone else answers

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583488
Welcome to 6 months ago.

[Anonymous No.]

>Have friend from work
>invites herself over to my house
>watch Haruhi
>she asks for sex
>tell her I'm only interested in 2d

Not shitting you, true story, she was ... to be as polite as possible ... not appealing.

[Ultros !!ES6sM3BRdcU No.]

>meet girl
>ask her if she wants to go to movies or something
>she says "I have to think about it"
>I dismiss it and figure it's rejection
>Still hang out, we eventually exchange phone numbers
>one day get random text about a month later
>"I don't think we should date"
>wat
>I text back "Why?" out of curiosity
>"I couldn't handle your cock"
>wat again. we never even kissed
>get another text: "cocky attitude***"
>delete the correction and show everyone the text
>feelsgoodman

[ロリあき No.]

But I'm an Omega male.

[Anonymous No.]

>Visit /jp/.
>See a shitty thread.
>Report it.

[Anonymous No.]

Jesus you guys, this board isn't fucking /r9k/, why the fuck do you need to post it here?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583527
>he thinks anyone gives a shit
>he still goes to /jp/ even though he hates it
>i call him a nerd and he wont do shit
deal w/ it nerd

[Anonymous No.]

I heard those exact words just a few days ago

Feels bad man

[Anonymous No.]

This happened about a week ago

>spending time with my girl
>go shoppan
>end up buying all kind of shit
>money is coming from MY wallet
>accidentally touch boob
>she hits me
>I leave and shout that I don't want to see her ever again

>continue playing later that day anyway

Omega as secret boss.

[Anonymous No.]

That's what you get for being a bitch.

[Anonymous No.]

When I was an eight grade in middle school, I met a girl named Suzanne. We talked for a while and one day she let me feel her tit. After that she would let me feel them everyday. After two months she told me "Stop it" when I tried like usual.

Haven't touch a boob since.

>foreveralone.jpg.exe

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583541

[Anonymous No.]

I see someone has stumbled in here post-puddi.

Here's something you have to know about /jp/ if you're interested in posting here. /jp/ has already given up, period. Full stop. They are unlike /r9k/, where you very likely came from being a beta male, where they complain endlessly.

/jp/anon have already given up and have settled into their bleak futures as NEETs who will never know the warmth of a woman.

Greentext, stories about women who were born as opposed to drawn, are looked down upon here. Save yourself, /jp/ and its meido the trouble and just go back to /r9k/.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583552
How did they feel?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583535
> shits up boards just because he can

Got nothing better to do?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583569
What Meido? I thought he left.

[Anonymous No.]

>Female kissless virgin friend of mine depressed at being kissless virgin
>Ask her out to the movies one day, she agrees
>Date set for Friday, on Thursday she sends me a Facebook message: "I'm sorry to do this, but a school assignment just came up and I can't go. Sorry. ;_;
>Take it in stride, plan to ask again
>On Saturday, her facebook status: "I had a great time on Friday with Dude McOtherguy"
>Tara is now in a relationship with Dude McOtherguy
>mfw

>beta as fuck

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583592
What a bitch. Forget her.

[Anonymous No.]

>hang out with group of acquaintances
>one girl starts following me everywhere
>she wont stop talking
>shes a whale
>she asks me if i like her
>i say no but we can be friends because thats what people on tv say
>she still follows me everywhere
>leave the group to avoid her and change my daily habits to make it harder to find me

[Anonymous No.]

;_;

although seriously I've seen a lot of threads get deleted, maybe he was just trolling. Or we already have a replacement

[Anonymous No.]

>"Anon, I don't want to break up, but I want to stop having sex for a while. I just don't feel attractive or sexual right now.
>"Okay, we can take a break from sex for a while" (Yeah I was an idiot then)
>A month or so later.
>"I just don't know if this is working, anon. I want to take a break for a while."
>"So we're breaking up?"
>"For now, at least. If I can get my self-esteem together, maybe we can try again, but I feel like staying together like we are now wouldn't be fair to you."
>"Um, okay."
>"She makes the spare room in out apt, her bedroom. We go on hiatus.
>Two months later.
>::the sounds of her fucking my friend drift through the walls::

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583486

You whined to a friend about a girl you thought you were dating because you were too afraid to talk to her about it yourself, then when she loses respect for you, you 'friendzone' her?

This is why neckbeards don't get girlfriends. Because they're alpha like this prime cut of anon here.

[Anonymous No.]

Honestly, take this shit to >>>/a/ and everybody wins.

You'll get more stories, people will be more interested, and you won't be shitting up to /jp/.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583636
QQ moar bitch

[Anonymous No.]

>don't hang out with anyone
>feels awesome
fags

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583502

>ex
>help her all day Friday

Stopped reading. She clearly didn't want you... she already has a pussy, she doesn't need another one.

[Anonymous No.]

>24 posts and 5 image replies omitted.
pic related, my face

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583614
Ohhhh wowwwwww....

I probably would pull some passive-aggressive shit, urinate in her doorway, and blame it on the dog.

Yeah I'm not a real man, either.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6583622
>neckbeards
This isn't /tg/

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583640
I was giving you helpful advice about how not to be an asshole, but I guess some people are just set in their ways.

[Anonymous No.]

oh hai, you must be the influx of /b/ trash from the puddi raids.

Well you see, there's a function called "sage". In most boards it's an insult to a thread but here it's considered polite to use sage in an off-topic thread or with a shitty post.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583663
You say this like you're not also new.

[Anonymous No.]

Femanon here, I have the opposite problem. Guys won't stop trying to ask me out, and I don't even flirt with them at all, or give them any signals. The most I do is talk to them, BUT IN EXACTLY THE SAME MANNER AS HOW I WOULD TALK TO ANY OTHER PERSON. Yet they still think I'm "the one" and awkwardly ask me out, and I have to awkardly say no, not interested ever.

It's irritating as fuck to keep having to reject guys, and how we're always made to be the bitches for doing so. You know what, just because we talk to you, does not mean we want you in our pants, or want to get into yours. It's called being friendly. Learn the fucking difference.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583663
derp

[Anonymous No.]

If you are a man, then stop bothering with women, there is no value in them or their fake love.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583661
Newbies tend to have this terrible "troll-complex", where they think every board is /b/ and anybody saging is crying IRL.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583676
The kitchen is that way. ->

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583676
>Translation: I wish hotter guys would ask me out. When I joined in spreading around the "ask her out right up front or be forever friendzoned line, I assumed these betas would pick the second one."
gtfo

[fuck your shit !!vGJ3MP11XUn No.]

>>6583569
/R9K/ came here? lol Sad shit bro. I'm a forum hopper. /b/red in /b/ rabid tech fa/g/ in /g/ nice guy in /wg/ go to anyboard to do with porn... checked out /jp/ for the 1st time today.
>>mfw you posted.

[Anonymous No.]

>wait until friend /jp/er is /jp/ing
>go to his imouto's room
>she sucks my dick
>we fuck
>friend walks in on us and cries
>call him a fag and continue to fuck his imouto

BUTTOWNED

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583676
That will all end once you get old and no one wants you then you'll be a desperate used up whore like the men you reject.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583614

NTR as fuck brah

[ロリあき No.]

>>6583676
Meet more Omegas.

[Anonymous No.]

>go to anime con with female friend from college
>she brings a girlfriend that is in high school
>she was supposed to book a hotel room with two beds, but only got one king-size bed
>we all sleep in the same bed, but I don't do anything sexual
>gay as fuck

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583690
>>>/r9k/
See, I even linked it for you!

>>6583682
>>>/b/
If you don't adhere to the norms of this board then you don't belong here. GB2 /b/ FGT

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583676

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583696
FUCKING LOLI NTR DOUJINSHI

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583592
>>6583592
I hear you man. FUCK Dude McOtherguy, I hate that asshole.

[Anonymous No.]

Oh /jp/...

[Anonymous No.]

>be 16
>meet 18 year old girl over internet
>decide to meet irl
>she gets on train and spends the weekend
>i take her virginity
>dump her as her on train station
>she flips batshits all over the place

>be 20
>accidentally stumble across same girl on facebook
>see she has now moved to my city
>hit her up, ask her out for a date,
>she agrees
>we have a lot of shit in common, she's just as cool as she was back then, apologize for what happened last time
>fuck like rabbits for a week
>she's moving to another city
>dump her on the train station again

>be 21
>same girl again
>tell i am really sorry this time, it won't be like the last two times
>going on a date with her this weekend
>I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN.JPG

another girl

>be 21
>go out on a couple of dates with a girl
>she's hot but she only talks about totally uninteresting shit
>think to myself that i can at least get some sex out of this
>on my bed making out, she's stops all the time and asks me what i am doing
>ask her jokingly if this is her first time making out
>she says yes
>ask if she's a virgin
>she gets really embarassed, tells me she is a virgin
>tell her to leave, i don't have time to waste on a kissless 21 year old virgin that's uninteresting as shit
>get call from her best friends who set us up cussing me out
>ask her out over the phone even though she's dating one of my friends
>she agrees to go on a date with me
>tell my friend
>he dumps her

bitches and whores

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583714
It's a travesty, isn't it?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583694
> >mfw you posted.
> checked out /jp/ for the 1st time today.
Yes, I can see that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583694

Go back whence you came from heaten.

[Anonymous No.]

>51 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

All of you.

Now.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583706
A wild White Knight appears!

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583506

[Anonymous No.]

/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD
/jp/ don't care fo' 3DPD

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583740
U MAD?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583728
Did you just describe somebody from /jp/ as a white knight?

Are you clinically retarded?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583728
> incorrect use of meme
I take it you came from /b/?

[Anonymous No.]

Requesting akido spam on this shitty topic.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583726

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583720
tl;dr

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583732
>>6583753
Please refrain from using reaction images; this isn't /b/.

[ZUN !barYV1VtIA No.]

>>my face when OP is posting stories from greentext.txt

Read a lot of these before.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583614
That one made me rage a little

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583750
>>6583751
>Faggots defending the bitch, in denial.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583773
It doesn't actually seem possible for anybody to be this dumb, but I guess you learn something new every day.

[Anonymous No.]

http://archive.easymodo.net/jprules.php
At least have the decency to read this.

We know you'll eventually get bored anyways, but ya need yer culturin'!

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583778
U MAD?

[Anonymous No.]

1, Stop bumping the thread /jp/, you should know better.
2. Report the thread.
3. Hide the thread.

[Anonymous No.]

ITT

[Anonymous No.]

Do you want to be wise? Learn Aikido
Arguably the most powerful martial arts in Japan.

An Aikido practitioner is practically invincible, no one of any martial arts background can ever land a punch or kick on one.

Using the power of the attacker, the Aikido practitioner uses absolutely no energy to knock them down.

A fearsome martial arts it is

[Anonymous No.]

>Go on a couple of dates
>she says "I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but maybe we can go for a drink sometime soon?"
>she wants to fuck
>couple of weeks later I ask her out for that drink
>I never get a reply
>maybe she doesn't want to fuck

>mfw I was seeing two other girls anyway

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583773
Yes, this had everything to do with the "femanon" IT'S A GUY!! .

[Anonymous No.]

Met a classmate's twin one day
Exchanged emails
Year later she suddently starts stalking me.
mfw I'm stalked by a landwhale I have no interest in.

I don't think I could get into a relationship, too many horror stories from 4chan and from people around me about bitches and whores.

That, and the fetishes and other things I've picked up here is sure to fuck anything and everything up.

[fuck your shit !!vGJ3MP11XUn No.]

>>6583725
lol. sorry didn't know the rules of this board, let alone see any guidelines anywhere.
>>6583724
I assume you were meaning to say heathen.

[Anonymous No.]

I believe you shouldn't underestimate Aikido. Now I know you may be thinking, "Why take a weakling martial art like Aikido seriously when I am learning Kendo?" I can see why you would think that, how can a peaceful martial arts like Aikido beat a powerful one like Kendo?

Well, I have a story to share with you.

Years ago, I was a Kendoka, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.

I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Well, here comes the fight. I threw men and do strikes, he dodged them like I was a mere white belt. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing tsuki, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.

When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.

[Anonymous No.]

>at some sort of college orientation thing
>some jewess my age sits at our table
>she wants to fuck
>ignore her because i dont want backstabbing kids with shitty genes
>she finally gets the idea and leaves the table

ARYAN AS FUCK

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583782
You literally mad because he called you dumb.

[Anonymous No.]

Everyday I look at /fit/ and laugh. They are so pathetic, wasting there time in a hot stinky gym lifting weights.

I just do Aikido and I look twice as aesthetic as the best looking /fit/ poster. I'm probably twice as strong too, strong enough to compete competitively as a strongman or Olympic lifter.

But I can actually use my strength to defend myself, I can probably take on four Brock Lesnars.

At once.

[ロリあき No.]

>>6583791
That's not beta.

[Anonymous No.]

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[Anonymous No.]

>>6583793
> bitches and whores.
Oh hay, you know there's this board called "/r9k", you might have heard of it. But I think you'd be really at home over there.

[Anonymous No.]

Have you ever been in love, OP?

I haven't. Not with another human being at least. After dedicating my mind and spirit to Aikido I haven't found much room for anything else.

Sure I've been on dates before with beautiful women, but whenever they find out that I am a student of the world's strongest martial art, the dinner always ends there. They sometimes even offer to pay, in fear of their lives.

[Anonymous No.]

Its lunch, I went to my favourite sandwich shop, got a delicious veal sandwich and was on my way back home. There was this thuggish "Nigga" style black dude, he was behind me, I stopped, because he was walking quite fast, and I didn't want to be in his way.
He comes up to me, and asked, “Do you have any money?”, I knew where he was going with this, so I said, “Yeah, but you’re not getting any of it.”, and I walked away. I suppose it’s in his blood, he was going to punch the back of my head but I quickly grabbed and threw him over my shoulder, he fell down and became unconscious. I checked if he had any drugs/money, found cocaine in his jacket and called the cops.
I guess it wasn’t really a fight since it lasted less than 10 seconds, it really shows how effective Aikido is in real life situations.
It feels good to help the police catch drug dealers/druggies.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583799
>Implying we give a shit about strength
>Implying it isn't all about the aesthetics

Pic related, u mad brah?

[Anonymous No.]

I love the smell of butthurt in the morning!

[Anonymous No.]

Years ago, I was a Gap youkai, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.

I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Well, here comes the fight. I manipulated the boundary of life and death, he reversed it like I was a mere Rumia. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing Danmaku Bounded Field, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.

When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.

[Anonymous No.]

Have some love handles that you would love to get rid of?

There is a way. A quick way.

Aikido.

You will be down to 10% body fat by the forth month, while learning the most effective martial arts at the same time. I used to have fat around my stomach area, did Aikido, now my six pack can be seen by all the ladies.

Become fit and kick ass at the same time.

[Anonymous No.]

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[Anonymous No.]

I ignored relationships, both social and romantic, all my life because I thought I was a genius who didn't need such petty things.

I realized how wrong I was eventually, both on thinking I was smart and thinking I could go without other people, but it was too late. Now, I just drown myself in romantic comedies to desperately try and recover all the lost time I'll never, ever get back.

[Anonymous No.]

For real, what does an Aikido practitioner do against a trained wrestler?

The way I see it, if a wrestler is careful and gets into grab range he will have an advantage.
As far as I know Aikido isn't about throwing punches, and that's just great for a wrestler who's main objective is to get a superior position.

And if the wrestler would get into a superior position, then it would be over, all of wrestling is to get into the superior position and maintain it.
All of the wrestler's training would have gone into it, wheras the aikido practitioner wouldn't be trained for the same situations.

What would an aikido practitioner do?

[Anonymous No.]

I live in a small town in Kansas. I've always been the artsy type..painting, photography...while most other guys around here were more jocky. Tons of guys joined the millitary after high school and now almost all of them are in Iraq. They send letters home saying how proud they are of their wives and how it must be hard for them to deal with their husbands being away.

Well do you know how they deal with it?

They fuck me.

Thats right. While you are away getting your ass hot off I'm shooting myself off in your wifes ass. Thank God for George Bush. I have about 4 wives I'm currently fucking because of his great leadership. I voted republican this year and then promptly went to a shipped off wives's home and came in her mouth.

[Anonymous No.]

I have defeated countless opponents using Aikido, and they always ask me, Why are you so strong?

I answer, I'm not strong, you are.

Aikido uses the strength of the attacker back at them but 10 times stronger(estimate). Using Aikido and I can probably kill a charging Rhino using it's force right back at it, of course, I'm not going to try it, way to dangerous for any sane person.

I recommend practicing Aikido for every /jp/edo, as you are all physically weak, and Aikido is specialized for the weak to defend against the strong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDnYNroUmNs

A 50 year old man with cerebral palsy doing Aikido, very touching.

[Anonymous No.]

First girl:
>I'm not interested in having a relationship with anyone, sorry Anon, you're still a really cool guy. I hope we can be friends.

Second girl:
>Well, I would really like to... I mean you're a cool guy, but you see Anon2 has been being really friendly lately, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, I hope you understand.

Girlfriend breaking up after a week:
>Yeah, um, I'm really not sure that this is going to work...

[Anonymous No.]

Aikido (合気道, aikidō) is a Japanese martial art developed by Morihei Ueshiba as a synthesis of his martial studies, philosophy, and religious beliefs. Aikido is often translated as "the Way of unifying (with) life energy" or as "the Way of harmonious spirit." Ueshiba's goal was to create an art that practitioners could use to defend themselves while also protecting their attacker from injury.

Aikido is performed by blending with the motion of the attacker and redirecting the force of the attack rather than opposing it head-on. This requires very little physical strength, as the aikidōka (aikido practitioner) "leads" the attacker's momentum using entering and turning movements. The techniques are completed with various throws or joint locks. Aikido can be categorized under the general umbrella of grappling arts.

Aikido derives mainly from the martial art of Daitō-ryū Aiki-jūjutsu, but began to diverge from it in the late 1920s, partly due to Ueshiba's involvement with the Ōmoto-kyō religion. Ueshiba's early students' documents bear the term aiki-jūjutsu. Many of Ueshiba's senior students have different approaches to aikido, depending on when they studied with him. Today aikido is found all over the world in a number of styles, with broad ranges of interpretation and emphasis. However, they all share techniques learned from Ueshiba and most have concern for the well-being of the attacker.

[Anonymous No.]

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[Anonymous No.]

>>6583826

[Anonymous No.]

thanks op, she is hot bitch in porn, i cum so hard while hurtling through space toward a decommissioned space station. slowly, i pull my knees to my chest and close my eyes as my bowels begin to expel hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful, symmetrical turds, brown as the day is long. i laugh like a young girl as my turds drift aimlessly behind me; they are as butterflies to a child frolicking in the fields of elysium.

i approach the station's docking port, flaccid cock in hand, and prepare to float gently into its inviting confines. i extend my cockless arm jubilantly, as to celebrate the majesty and depth of space, and thank jesus christ for this ultimate gift and blessing. but suddenly, my outstretched arm collides with the outer rim of the docking port, and the trajectory of my quaggy body is violently halted.

the fates afford me barely enough time to turn my head before the turds arrive. one thousand turds, each one seemingly larger than the last. i try in vain to cleanse my eyes of the shitsting, but succeed only in smearing my own fecal matter into a fine asspaste, which slowly seeps into my eyes and nasal cavity. i inhale three hundred and twenty four Space Turds; my lungs are permeated completely with my own shit. i hang lax, spirit broken, defeated by poop. i will never be the same. i am forever a shit faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

Picture in your mind a massive yellow phone book.

In this phone book is a name, number and address for every human being alive, that has ever lived, and ever will live, along with an equivalent number of pages in the business directory.

This phone book is on an old wooden table in a concrete room with no doors or windows.

You are trapped in the room and have a compulsion to read the phone book. You have now read through it cover-to-cover five-thousand, seven-hundred, thirty-one times. Your hands are pale from the lack of sunlight. Your hands are covered in scars from paper cuts. Your hands resemble the surface of Europa. You reach for the phone book one more time and flip through the pages like a picture book. As you flip through the pages at high-speed, the names and numbers form an image of yourself, staring back at you with a corrupted smile. The skin on your hands is now in shreds, the razor edges of the phone book having revealed bare bone, to which you are oblivious as you watch images dance on thin, colored-coded pages.

You have now flipped through the book eleven-thousand, eight-hundred, sixty-eight times.

This is what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

Will someone please explain to me what happened to Meido?

[Anonymous No.]

HAHAHAHA
YOU THINK YOURE THOUGH UH ?
I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU
THE FORCED INDENTATION OF THE CODE
GET IT ?
I DONT THINK SO
YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT MY OTHER CAR I GUESS ?
ITS A CDR
AND IS PRONOUNCED ``CUDDER''
OK YOU FUQIN ANGERED AN EXPERT PROGRAMMER
THIS IS /prog/
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO POST HERE ONLY IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED SATORI
PROGRAMMING IS ALL ABOUT ``ABSTRACT BULLSHITE'' THAT YOU WILL NEVER COMPREHEND
I HAVE READ SICP
IF ITS NOT DONE YOU HAVE TO
TOO BAD RUBY ON RAILS IS SLOW AS FUCK
BBCODE AND ((SCHEME)) ARE THE ULTIMATE LANGUAGES
ALSO
WELCOME TO /prog/
EVERY THREAD WILL BE REPLIED TO
NO EXCEPTION

[Anonymous No.]

There was a girl who once came up to me out of the blue and said "I like you" and stuck her tongue out, then walked with me to our next class. She liked me because I was smart, apparently. (clearly she was wrong, look where I am now).

Anyway, I figured always she meant it in a simply friends kind of way. She would always get up really close to me and ask me to sit next to her, but I never considered she could have liked me like I liked her, because she was the most beautiful girl in the year. Sometimes, I think that maybe, just maybe, she actually fancied me.

But that's deluding myself. There's no way she did, so I can't say that anything I didn't do with her was a regret. If I relived it, I would have done the same thing over, but never have fallen for her in the first place.

[Anonymous No.]

Picture, if you will, an infinite number of monkeys. Each monkey is seated at a typewriter. Row upon row upon endless row of typewriters, stretching out into an unfathomable white infinity. These monkeys will, at random, strike keys on their typewriter with their clumsy simian hands and feet for the rest of eternity or until they produce the complete works of William Shakespeare, which ever comes first.
Now imagine a monkey drinking it's own urine.

That is what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine a giant penis flying towards your mouth, and there's nothing you can do about it. And you're like "Oh man, I'm gonna have to suck this thing", and you brace yourself to suck this giant penis. But then, at the last moment, it changes trajectory and hits you in the eye. You think to yourself "Well, at least I got that out of the way", but then the giant penis rears back and stabs your eye again, and again, and again. Eventually, this giant penis is penetrating your gray matter, and you begin to lose control of your motor skills. That's when the giant penis slaps you across the cheek, causing you to fall out of your chair. Unable to move and at your most vulnerable, the giant penis finally lodges itself in your anus, where it rests uncomfortably for 4, maybe 5 hours. That's what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

My friend has one of the most DISTURBING, DISGUSTING pooping habits ever.

This kid I know weighs 450 pounds and is morbidly obese. I'm surprised he hasn't died from it yet. He's only 17. A few of my friends and I went over to his to keep him company since his parents were out of town. He wanted someone to play PS3 with him so we were happy to oblige.

Around 20 minutes into a game of Resistance, the kid goes "i'll be right back, i gotta take a crap." and walks off. I noticed he grabbed a large bucket, which I found strange. What happened next disgusted me beyond all reason.

From the bathroom, I heard a large roar, like a beast of some sort. I asked one of my friends who knows the fat kid a lot better than I do what was going on. His response still haunts me to this day:

"He takes a bucket to the bathroom with him because the smell always makes him puke. All the crusty shit and ass sweat caught in the folds of his fat have been decaying for months because he can't clean himself. As soon as he drops his pants, the shit/sweat stench fills the bathroom and he begins throwing up."

[Anonymous No.]

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[Anonymous No.]

>>6583847
I don't know, but I'd rather have a copypasta spam thread than a "greentext your beta stories XD" thread.

[Anonymous No.]

Picture this:

You're looking through a magnifiying viewfinder. Perhaps that of a camera, or a binoculars, or one of those telescopes you see on observation decks. Your vision is shunted straight ahead, into a narrow cone five to fifteen degrees, at maximum. Peripheal vision is nonexistant. The rest of the world exists around you, but because of the focus, you can't see anything outside it, only the part in in front of you. You can turn in any direction, and you can view things it would normally be impossible for you to view, in detail you never would be able to see otherwise, but you're still looking through what is essentially tube vision, and as soon as your eyes try to reach the edge of the tube, you run into a barrier of non-information.

Now invert part of that image, as you would an image channel in Photoshop. All around you, you can see the entire world, but blurrily, out of focus, and the only thing you view clearly is straight ahead of you. It is as if your visual tube has been reversed, and instead of seeing through the tube, you see the tube itself. What is that tube made of? A boundary of emptiness, around which you can see the lack of any visual information at all in vivid detail.

That tube is what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

Picture your consciousness as a galaxy of stars, revolving around a supermassive black hole, the gravity of which anchors it in reality.

Now, imagine that supermassive black hole swelling enormously in size, growing and expanding until it devours all the stars in the entire galaxy.

This is what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583569
funny because I actually came from the puddi raid

/jp/ enlightened me with the world of visual novels

[Nitori's faceless !FRIENDgj1s No.]

>>6583855

[Anonymous No.]

TRUEfag here.
I'm a true /jp/er, though I can't afford being a NEET I was forced to get a job to survive, as both my parents died when I was a teenager.
This was 4 months ago.

>23 years old, have real friends at work but never-rarely talk to them
>girl (co-worker) talks to me. She wants to date.
>respectfully decline
>she goes batshit crazy
>she harasses me for the next 3 months
>finally give in, take her on a date
>the entire time, I was fearing for my life
>that same day, she invites herself to my house
>she tries to fuck, I respectfully decline
>she goes batshit insane again
>get her drunk, invite a friend over (he was surprised) and have him fuck her while I patiently wait at a bar
>come home, house is empty. Sleep relieved.
>2 days later
>girl is at work, she doesn't remember a goddamn thing
>she wants to date

it pretty much goes like that. She still harasses me, even though she fucked like 5 guys. Seriously, what the hell man?

[Anonymous No.]

My ultimate goal in life is to just live in a small apartment, never have to work, eat just enough to keep healthy, upgrade my PC every so often and pirate anime and video games on the internet.

My only regret in life is that I haven't achieved that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583847
He was feeling weak and lethargic after having stayed awake for 24 hours to fend off the PUDDI storm.

Shortly after came the crossboard train thread further increasing the number of bad threads. He was outnumbered, a mere weakling using only his janitorial powers.

If he had been man enough to practice Akido he could have turned their strength on them easily holding back the hordes of heathens. But he was not such a man.

Let this be a lesson for you that Akido can be useful in nearly every situation.

[Anonymous No.]

I get to the office at 9ish and I'm not in the mood to work. In walks this hard street nigger and he asks for a job.

Nigger: Yo, ya hire? Me: Say what? Nigger: Ma, I nee a jo Me: You speekee engrish? Nigger: I say I nee a jo,

I knew what he was saying. He was one of those niggers that like to leave the last letter off of every word. Five bucks = Fie buck, Old school = O schoo, etc. The conversation went on for a few minutes until I was finished fucking with him.

Me: I pa fo dolla Nigger: Fo dolla! Shee Me: Aight, aight, fodolla twenny fi cen Nigger: Minima way sicsevenfi muthafucka Me: Fi dolla no mo, no mo fi dolla Nigger: (speaking clearly for the first time) FUCK YOU!

I nearly pissed myself. Yet I am not racist, I'm a sterotypist. Yes, there's a difference. Go ahead and /b/ yourself.

[Anonymous No.]

Picture yourself, in every moment of your life, passing from place to place and time to time. Picture those places and times and picture what happened to them. Has the past gone away when you left it? Is this true, can you not go back? If so, surely this can be the same way for places as it is for time. Imagine that when you leave a room, or simply turn away, a multitude of tiny organisms deconstruct the reality you can't see, and it ceases to exist. At the same time, the organisms weave together a new world wherever you go and for whatever you look at out of the material of that dead reality. This of course implies the back of your head does not exist either. So how does it seem familiar? Because when the back of your head does not exist, these organisms may restructure your brain directly in order to create the feeling of familiarity and of memory.
They do all this, without ever ceasing, out of knowledge passed down by instinct that when you cease to acknowledge reality, they as a whole will cease to exist, because reality is the knowing and they are the unknowing, both in mutual interdependence. In time they may attempt to rewire your brain or body to ensure this does not happen, but it is far more likely just one of them will realize that your brain is just a construct of your thought... and since thought is a product of your brain, that single organism, one of an infinite number of organisms will know it's true purpose is not in line with it's kind.

It's purpose is tanasinn.

[Anonymous No.]

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[Anonymous No.]

Imagine you are having terrible nightmare. It's terrible, but it's terrible only to you and no other. It's a horror custom made for you by your own mind. The content is not important, but the fear is. When you wake, you wake in a room on a bed. It is your bed, but it is not your bed. It is your room, but it is not your room. With effort, you realize you have not awoken at all, but are still asleep and have dreamed of an awakening. The question remains if you are to wake and be greeted with reality, should you get out of bed or go back to sleep. You decide to do both, and you fall backward through the bed as the sheets envelop your body. It's dark, but it's not dark. You're awake, but you're not awake. You are dead and being cremated. As flames disintegrate your flesh, a scream echos through your mind but not does not escape your lips which, even if you could speak, have been glued shut. You black out once more, and awaken at dawn. As the mingled ashes of bone and oak are scattered on a beach by the one you've left behind, you finally understand:

You are not the ashes of the man, you are the ashes of coffin. You were not a man dreaming of life, but a tree dreaming you were a man.

This awakening, this epiphany... this is tanasinn.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583873

[Anonymous No.]

Yesterday at around noon, I had been extremely bored for the past couple of hours. So, despite all the temptations to just jerk off to my manga, I decided to go to my friends house and hang out. We started to play pokemon and that got boring, so he suggested doing prank calls. I honestly have never done any prank calls, though I have seen most of the Girl Talk raids. He called the local gamestop and asked if they had any ps4's. I kinda cringed at the low brow humor, but I wanted to try. He gave the phone to me. I had no idea what to say. He just told me to think up of some ridiculous story. Being the /b/ that I am, I decided to act like I misdialed and I was calling my girlfriend or something. I, sadly, have no girlfriend and never had, so I have no idea what couples talk to each other like. He told me that he was going to download a random number, so it wouldn't be anyone that I knew. Phone rang, person picked up, I started to talk. "Hey, how you doing?" There was a pause. "So, are we gonna fuck tonight?" Another long pause, then the phone hung up.

I went home at around midnight, and my mom was in the living room sitting by the light. She seemed a bit upset, but I had no idea why. She looked at me and then asked, "What have you been doing?". I started to think to myself OSHI-, my friend must of called my house, that douche. "Uh... I have been hanging out at my friends." "O really.." My Dad walked into the room, and he looked pissed off too. I know they must of knew it was me. I'm dead. Then my mom started off, "I found these magazines in your room. we seriously need to talk about these." It was probably the weirdest feeling in the world. The feeling relief that you weren't in trouble for something you did, and the feeling that you have just been caught with porn.

So now I'm locked in my room. How do I get out?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583873
>True /jp/'er

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine that you are typing and ∵∴ appears at random intervals. Now imagine that you can't use delete or backspace. That is what tanasinn is like

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine that you are alone in the universe. And imagi∵e tha∵ ∴∵∴∵∵e∴∵∴ a∴∵∴e∵∴∵∴∵w∴∵∴ ∴∵∴∵∴∵∴ ∵∵∴∵∴∵∴∵ ∴∵∴∵∴∵ ∴∵∵∴∵∴∵∴∵ ∴∵∴∵∴∵∴ ∵∵∴ ∵∴∵∴∵ ∴∵ ∴∵∴∵∴∵∵∴∵ ∴∵∴∵ ∴∵. T∴∵s is what ta∵asinn ∵s like.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583847
You faggots insulted the meido when she said goodbye and now you want her back?

[Nitori's faceless !FRIENDgj1s No.]

>>6583880

[Anonymous No.]

It was my second year of college and I was walking back to my dorm one night (I attend UC Berkeley and it's fairly open to the rest of the town, Berkeley, itself) and I wasn't with anyone and it was a more secluded, quieter, darker side of campus.

So, anyways, out of nowhere comes these 2 white kids (Just like me) with a knife, demanding I hand over my money. Just as I'm doing this (I'm 6'8" 240 but I'm not going against a knife) some black guy rounds the corner behind the white kids. He just goes "WHAT THE FUCK?" and pulls a gun out of his waistband. First thing I think is "Oh fuck we're all dead" but he just approaches the kids, tells em to put the wallet, cell phone and the knife they had on the ground. They do and then they ran. The guy just tucks the gun back in his waistband and smiles at me. I was kind of nervous but really fucking thankful, so I offered him some cash for possibly saving my life. He said "No, I'm fine. I'll get my payment eventually. There's benefits to being a good guy, right?" I nod and laughed at him.

However, right before I left he asked if he could use my cellphone. I handed it over and he made a call. Turns out he was on his way to Christmas shop and had forgotten the list so he needed to call his uncle back and recheck it.

I have never met another human being like that again. He changed my perceptions of minorities forever.

This is not copypasta .

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583826
;_;
I'm 21 and doing pretty much the same thing. Though I am, I suppose, a genius, and I can live without other people.
I've realized now that severing my bonds with those close to me was a mistake, but it's too late now, and I don't know how to make new friends. In any case I'm far too uptight to be able to stand most anyone or for them to be able to stand me.

[Anonymous No.]

>this thread

[Anonymous No.]

>>6583893
Shut up meido.

[Nitori's faceless !FRIENDgj1s No.]

>>6583904

[Anonymous No.]

You're in a desert, walking along in the sand - it doesn't make any difference what desert, it's completely hypothetical. Maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself, who knows? - You look down and you see a tortoise, it's crawling towards you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun beating its legs trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help. But you're not helping. This is what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine you are reading a book. It is one of those heavy ones that talk about something deep, like social structure or philosophy or theoretic physics. It could even be a really boring novel. The thing is, it has really small letters, in fact they are so small that after some hours of boring reading, the endless series of lines of text start blurring your vision, causing you to skip lines. You try to get your mind together and try to read the next line, but you miss again, reading the same line again and again for two or three times. Getting annoyed by this, you try to look at something else for a moment and resume reading only to take it up at small letters, in fact they are so small that after some hours of boring reading, the endless series of lines of text start blurring your vision, causing you to skip lines. You try to get your mind together and try to read the next line, but you miss again, reading the same line again and again for two or three times. Getting annoyed by this, you try to look at something else for a moment and resume reading only to take it up at small letters, in fact they are so small that after some hours of boring reading, the endless series of lines of text start blurring your vision, causing you to skip lines. You try to get your mind together and try to read the next line, but you miss again, reading the same line again and again for two or three times. Getting annoyed by this, you try to look at something else for a moment and resume reading only to take it up at
page tanasinn