/lit/ - Literature

>>16368984
It’s a great read if you look at it for what it is. It’s a sad pitiful little boy who looked to only chase vices in his life, yet failed miserably. Although he was honest about some aspects of his life, if you watch interviews of his friends it becomes clear just how delusional in life he was. The only form of real self improvement he did was quit his addiction to world of Warcraft (although he admitted he was growing bored of the game) and at one point near the end he said he tried to condition himself as best as he could so his body would look good, for a total of two entire weeks, which is completely laughable considering building a starting strength takes months and properly conditioning yourself takes more months on top of that. He was obsessed with materialism and wealth, and had this delusional idea that women were just going to go up and talk to him and be all over him while he just sat there. He didn’t understand the role men play in terms of taking the active role while females play the more passive one.

It’s great to get a better understanding of the mind of a true narcissistic. There’s a point where he believed he was destined to win the lottery, he would drive all the way to Arizona with a happy mind, only to be devastated once he found out he lost. Those high and lows seem like textbook bipolar disorder and I think in that way it has similarities to narcissism, but instead of extreme highs and low depression, it teeters on feelings of grandeur and extreme insecurity. Much like Ovids story of narcissus and echo, a narcissistic will have feelings of superiority only to be brought down to levels of insecurity, and in order to lift themselves back up they just “echo” mantras in their head such as “am I a loser?”, “no! It’s them who are losers!”.

He seemed to be a kid who had an extreme shyness and never talked to anyone. His friends, family, and therapists all said he had a level of social anxiety they never seen before. It’s interesting to see the thoughts of that one quite kid who never talked, to understand that he was harboring this extreme hatred and anger of the world. It was boiling inside his souls all the while his persona was inanimate. It reminds me of a quote from Carl Jung where he explains along the lines of how loneliness is not the inability to surround yourself with a lot of people, but rather the inability to understand your own thoughts and to properly communicate them with others. It made me fully realize that true narcissistic people, despite the fact that they sometimes surround themselves with a plethora of people, and throw on a big charade of extreme confidence, are often rather lonely and insecure.

There’s one point where he spoils a lifelong friendship with his only close friend by an argument. I’ve always wondered how dark and twisted that final argument was.