/wg/ Writing General

[Anonymous No.22906470]

"2024" edition

Previous: >>22893285

/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC

Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Follow prompts made below and discuss written works for practice; contribute and you shall receive.

If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Violent shills, relentless shill-spammers, and grounds keeping prose, should be ignored and reported.

Simple guides on writing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk

Thread theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTY_CCKeELs

[Anonymous No.22906539]

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
The slogan 'Press On!' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
-Calvin Coolidge

[Anonymous No.22906549]

>>22905857
Posting same question again in new thread if anyone else has something to add.
Thank you for those whomst've offered help already.

[Anonymous No.22906570]

>>22906549
I think it's easier to talk about ways you can fuck it up than ways you can do it right
Is it cliche? Did you copy and paste from established genre conventions (Tolkien, Conan, Star Trek, Terminator…) without rethinking any of the fundamental principles of the world?
Is it allegorical? Is everything just a thinly veiled critique of real places/cultures that annoy you, or political movements you disagree with?
Are all the fantasy elements, or weird future technology, just excuses to move your intended plot forward a little more conveniently? Are you introducing shit that would totally invalidate the depicted lifestyles of the characters because you neglected to consider The Implications?

[Anonymous No.22906581]

>>22906539
Literally who?

[Anonymous No.22906607]

>>22906539
I am a huge Coolidge fan, however this is not a Coolidge quote. It was just an American saying that was printed frequently in newspapers. It was basically a folk saying.

As to the person who actually coined it, I don't think we know.

Source: 'Coolidge' by Amity Shlaes.

[Anonymous No.22906621]

>>22906470
https://pastebin.com/4Jnb24zQ

Thoughts on my prose, fellow anons?

Additionally, does this beginning to the story make you feel like you want to read more?

[Anonymous No.22906650]

>>22906470
>Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your story. We are sorry to tell you that this particular text is not quite right for this magazine, but we wish you all the best for your writing.

Fuck you granta you queer anglo cuck fags

The lit mag space is disgusting

[Anonymous No.22906657]

>>22906650
Reject literary renown. Embrace schlock.

[Anonymous No.22906668]

Alright I cut this down at the advisal of some anons in the previous thread

[Anonymous No.22906670]

>>22906657
The lit mag space is literally filled with pretentious MFAs or the disgusting British equivalents who all jack off to the queer African dick and slobber all over the clits of moneyed white women who love minorities (and ugly asian women)

[Anonymous No.22906686]

>>22906670
They also love ennui, which is really my main beef with 'em.

[Anonymous No.22906691]

What do you think of writing longhand vs typing?

[Anonymous No.22906700]

>>22906686
>Moderately rich white women who wants to chase her black/asian/Indian immigrant lover but is suffering from her own depression and whose life is suffused with a sense of ennui

[Anonymous No.22906708]

>>22906650
https://granta.com/living-with-germanness/

I think you dodged a bullet, anon. The above article was well-written, but reeks of death (i.e., Marxism, feminism, polyamory, alternative lifestyles etc.) It was pleasant to read, but horrid to consume. I may never get the stink out of my nostrils.

[Anonymous No.22906711]

>>22906691
Writing longhand is fine, as long as you use a quill pen, or at least a fountain pen
You also need to be drinking scotch and wearing a smoking jacket

[Anonymous No.22906733]

>>22906670
The indie literary magazine space is corrupt af. It's a Ponzi scheme by mag creators/editors to publish other mag creators/editors at the expense of all the writers and literature/writing graduates that buy their mags and pay for submissions. This much has been openly admitted to me.

The larger literary magazine world is even worse. They only care about your name. They don't really care about the quality of your work as long as they can get sales or repute. All this bs about pushing new good writing is just a hoax. They'll push good writing if only it follows the criteria of what is good writing which is

white (or a bad minority like black or muslim)
upper class or recently upper classed
women or presently like a women
Queer (the more openly you talk about disgusting gay or trans sex shit, the better)
And ideally not male but they let that slide if you're gay or weird or foreign enough

Used to believe that if you write great works then that would be enough. But no. You need repute and a name. You need to win awards or have great connections or make a great story for them. Otherwise they'll shit on your manuscript and expect you to lick their asses clean.

[Anonymous No.22906741]

>>22906621
>series of neon signs
I'd say "a myriad", series implies that they're all somehow related rather than a random assortment from different businesses
The use of the word 'copious' stands out as kinda weird, I'd say something like 'infecting those queued up outside with an urge to move with the rhythm'
I do think guy making his way to mysterious location in red light district is a pretty fun opening for a story

[Anonymous No.22906742]

>>22906668
Maybe I'm just stupid, but I had quite a bit of difficulty with your passage, anon. It wasn't that it was wordy per se, it seemed to be more a matter of the abstractness of the passage. Like a painting with too much negative space, things are too vague, the expression to florid. In other words, I had real trouble understanding what was going on. You evoked strong imagery, but it was just that: imagery, which yielded little in the way of narrative activity.

Additionally, you reuse language too much. The term 'necrotizing' is used too soon after using the term 'necrotic'.

Similarly, your opening paragraph (from what I can tell) mostly describes a mess of tangled corpses. Yet in the next passage, you describe the scene as being one of 'tangled corpses'. The issue here is that you're effectively re-using language again, just in a more obtuse and artful manner. Yet, in this instance the effect not only harms immersion and rhythm, but also (seemingly) puts the lie to the prose of the preceding paragraph. If you could express the scene so concisely here, what was the point of all those words there? You're doubling up on your use of imagery, in your doubling up of language, is what I'm saying.

I apologise anon. I have probably misinterpreted your work. I may simply be too dumb for it, but these are more initial thoughts. You clearly have literary skill and talent. Maybe tone down the high-mindedness a notch? That would be my advice.

Please feel free to disregard.

[Anonymous No.22906755]

>>22906741
Thanks, anon! Duly noted.

Regarding 'copious', I chose that word to elicit an impression of debauchery, excess, and misbehaviour (they are dancing copiously, as one might 'drink copiously'). The aim in doing this, is to communicate the filth of the environ, and the contempt in which the protag holds these people (even though the story is told from the third-person perspective). This attempt might be lost though, because my connotation of the term 'copious' with conspicuous overconsumption is not widely held?

I am very glad that my little excerpt was able to pique your interest! That's very encouraging.

[Anonymous No.22906766]

>>22906742
I'm sort of drawn to write in an 'impressionist' style if that's a thing, it would probably narrow my audience quite a bit if I were trying to publish anything. Definitely something to consider.

[Anonymous No.22906787]

>>22906621
>Thoughts on my prose, fellow anons?
pruple

[Anonymous No.22906792]

>I don't know how long I train every day, to be honest
>Usually do 1000 squats, pushups, and situps in sets of 100 before doing some other stuff like punching bags and a light run.
>But that's mostly basic muscle and stamina training. It's not that intense for me. After all, combat is true training in my eyes.
>The part I really do the most of is conditioning. My knuckles, shins, elbows, hands, shoulders. I'm a striker, not a wrestler. So I just subject the parts of my body I hit people with to all kinds of crap just so I can make them tougher. Like how I punch coarse sand, kick logs, and all kinds of shenanigans. It doesn't take long for me to break skin but if I'm bleeding, then I know it's working.
I have no idea why I wrote this

[Anonymous No.22906794]

>>22906711
That's easy mode. You need to be wearing a woolen tunic while pressing your stylus into a fresh tablet of clay.

[Anonymous No.22906795]

>>22906787
Thanks for your feedback, anon. :)

[Anonymous No.22906796]

>>22906792
>coarse sand

[Anonymous No.22906803]

>>22906755
I see what you're saying in your choice of the word, I suppose copious is always used in regard to something material - food, drink, resources, so any use of it to describe something immaterial like dancing is technically a misuse of the word. Misusing a word slightly for the sake of imagery is okay though

[Anonymous No.22906815]

My New Year's resolution was to, after some two years of procrastinating, finally write a novel.

The first of the month did not exactly go smoothly, and I only got about 200 words down, but my experience has been smooth-ish sailing since then.

I didn't have the whole outline done by the end of December like I'd planned, and I'm nobody's pantser. Thus, I'll need to work on the outline as well as the draft itself come this weekend.

[Anonymous No.22906900]

>>22906711
>>22906794
I mean seriously. Do you guys write anything by hand? What do you think of writing by hand? Not feasible? Too impractical?

[Anonymous No.22906957]

>>22906900
I used to do that exclusively.
Not anymore.

[Anonymous No.22906958]

>>22906900
No one cares how you get the words down. No one cares if you write on a old typewriter while smoking and listening to jazz. No one cares if you write on an old Dell with a CRT monitor and floppy disks. Go cosplay on Instagram if you think writing is an aesthetic.

[Anonymous No.22906990]

>>22906957
Why not?

>>22906958
Some people believe that the platform on which you write shapes your thoughts. Nietzsche believed in this, for example. And I myself, now speaking from personal experience, have noticed that my handwritten texts were better than those written on a keyboard. Why, or how, I don't know, and I largely agree with you about the obvious disadvantages of handwriting. Still, it cannot be denied that approaching writing in a handwritten manner is different and often leads to something of higher quality.

I just wish that neurologists would delve into this to resolve this issue once and for all. Because, in fact, there's something there.

[Anonymous No.22907127]

>>22906621
This will sound rude, but it's boring. The sentences are simple, in a bad way. And it is purple, not because it's overly flowery, but because you fail to create an image of the scene in the reader's mind efficiently and in an interesting manner. I believe that your excerpt can be cut down in half, without losing anything of value. Many of the things you say can be left unsaid.

[Anonymous No.22907155]

>>22906733
>Used to believe that if you write great works then that would be enough. But no. You need repute and a name. You need to win awards or have great connections or make a great story for them. Otherwise they'll shit on your manuscript and expect you to lick their asses clean.

It has always been like this. You are fishing for the publisher/editor/reader/scout that actually has an eye for quality and something like a passion for literature/arts (or at least profiting by quality and gambling on it). There are no guarantees. At least self-publishing has never been cheaper or easier to get it out there; nothing stopping one from being picked up by a 'proper' publisher after gaining traction that way-- have an imprint, and if you get signed make sure it's published under it under the aegis of the bigger fish; eventually you can get in the game yourself.

[Anonymous No.22907205]

>>22907127
Thank you for your time and consideration.

[Anonymous No.22907217]

anyone have a good guide for productivity?

[Anonymous No.22907241]

>>22907127
- Not OP
- Clearly you can't read
- KYS
(Is this efficient enough for you?)

[Anonymous No.22907249]

>>22907217
Sit down, and begin. Take frequent breaks for yourself, but keep at it until you hit a milestone or finish the task at hand.

Regarding writing, I like to keep to keep in mind the climax of the book, and that keeps me going. I wanna write the coolest bit! I wanna get to the most exciting imagery! Unfortunately that takes a fair bit of foundation-laying first though. Keeping the end in mind helps me push through.

[Anonymous No.22907289]

>>22906900
I write my first draft by hand on paper, then while transcribing it to to my PC I edit the draft/add more lines. It's a lot easier to edit on PC than on paper.

[Anonymous No.22907293]

>>22907241
You're in every thread trying to sabotage other writers

[Anonymous No.22907305]

>>22906607
>anon literally coined it
Insanely capital

[Anonymous No.22907316]

I'm looking over the initial chapters I wrote for a story then abandoned over a year ago and it's like my brain is being electrified as I try to re-absorb all the context. Like the massive "thought-web" one forms for a universe when writing, obviously it hasn't stayed with me, but now it's crashing back into me. It's almost like peering at an alien that's peering back. My eyes are rolling in my head a bit, but it's entering, bit by bit. All the details one needs to juggle to write consistently and clearly. At times I have to say - what was I thinking? I really wrote this? Well, I've learned for sure: do not drop shit you plan to finish, I was luckily only 4-some chapters in but even then this is like a brick to my brain. There's no doubt that this next chapter will have a very noticeable shift in tone/style and begin introducing inconsistencies. I will hope that being amateur fiction will excuse that, and maybe by the end I will be in a better state to pore through them and fix any problems.

[Anonymous No.22907347]

>>22907293
Anon, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't typically come here. Are you by any chance paranoid?

[Anonymous No.22907364]

Why, exactly, is formatting dialogue like a chatroom bad?

[Anonymous No.22907391]

>>22907316
>but now it's crashing back into me.
>It's almost like peering at an alien that's peering back.
>My eyes are rolling in my head a bit, but it's entering, bit by bit.
why did you feel the need to use 3 different analogies to describe the same thing here

[Anonymous No.22907400]

>>22907391
Repetition for emphasis.

[Anonymous No.22907420]

>>22907400
ah

[Anonymous No.22907447]

Start a story. No idea where to go with it. Start another story. Rinse and repeat.
https://pastebin.com/udPKNeF0

[Anonymous No.22907556]

What's your opinion on characters with alliterative names?

[Anonymous No.22907626]

>>22907447
Not bad, anon. Good writing takes practice. As long as you're working you're achieving something.

Please note, that on line 107 you say 'nap', when I believe you mean to say 'nape'.

[Anonymous No.22907689]

>Write story (what a shocker)
>Give myself a multitude of reasons to give up and finally do
>Fast forward 3-ish years
>Never opened the project file because I always saw it as some kind of black sheep
>For whatever reason, finally did
>It's easily one of the most imaginatively visual, surreal and most horrifying pieces of literature I've read in the past 12 months
I've gotten immensely better at writing dialogues but holy fucking shit is this just a thesaurus of fantasy and information. I genuinely have no fucking clue how I came up with most of that other than writing in the early hours (3-6am) of the morning.

[Anonymous No.22907766]

Okay, music time:
What do you listen to to write? I used to listen to stuff like two steps from hell and jo blankenburg, but i found it riled my mind up too much in the moment and limited what I could write, so now I'm looking for better stuff that stay in the background more. Pic related, but I cant listen to youtube music and write on my phone at the same time, so I'm looking for stuff I can download as MP3.

[Anonymous No.22907801]

>>22907766
My tinnitus.

[Anonymous No.22907881]

My story:
- Two people in a room talking
- Exposition of conflict happening elsewhere
- Occasional action scene
- Discussions of ideas and concepts relating to external action
- Rinse and repeat
- Climax of the story is an action scene followed by an upturning of the established order, leading the characters to ponder their future (i.e. more talking)

Is this bad? Assume for the moment that the dialogue is high quality. I'm worried that 1) I don't have a solid three act structure, and 2) I spend so much time talking about off-page events that the reader won't care, no matter how hard I try to make it matter.

[Anonymous No.22907887]

Sorry if there are any minor mistakes. This is a translation from my native language but I think I did a good job. This is part of the prologue for my fantasy novel with a sort of mid 17th century setting.

"A terrible miasma advances over the land, leaving in its wake rot, decomposition and death. They call it "the corruption." It advances slowly but its march is inexorable. This invisible parasite consumes everything in its path while the infertile and necrotized womb of the earth gives birth to a withered landscape, a gray and deformed abortion where there once was life. There is no worse tragedy that can befall a town. First it attacks the countryside, it destroys the crops, then it kills the livestock and once it reaches the streets, desolated by hunger, few remain whom it can infect.

When the body first comes into contact with the corruption, there begins a process of putrefaction of the flesh. Starting with the fingers of the hands, the corruption climbs up the affected person's arms, then up the neck and infecting the brain, leaving the victim in a state of stupor. A few hours later the corruption reaches the heart. The body dies."

I'd also like some basic advice since I've never written anything longer than 3 pages because I keep going back to revise shit and end up getting frustrated.

[Anonymous No.22907922]

>>22907447
I like the way the words roll off the tongue. You seem to have a natural grasp of smooth and interesting language. But you now have to pay conscious attention to your word-choice and rhythm to further improve.
>A sleek black automobile drove down the cobblestone street between rows of weathered brick buildings and high arches.
Here, for example, the word "buildings" breaks the flow. Moving it over a bit, you get:
>A polished black automobile drove down the cobblestone street(s) between rows of weathered brick(s) and high building arches.
I think this is better. You also need to decide between streets/bricks (plural) and street/brick (singular). You have to choose either one, but both work.

Similar issues are present in the very next sentence, and persist throughout the text. I really hope you work on these aspects more, because you're otherwise really great.
Obviously, awfully cliched sentences like this are a problem, too. But, yeah.
>The work was simple, the compensation generous, and the comforting warmth emanating from the heater was preferable to the biting chill outside.

[Anonymous No.22907939]

>>22907881
Have you seen or read (the God of) Carnage? The stageplay, novel, an actual theatrical performance or the movie with John C Riley and Jodie Foster from 2011 are all great. I like it because it takes place in a single room/apartment and is both philosophical and interpersonal but also has action and tension. Maybe you can take some inspirations to pacing and the display of inter-personal relationships from it.
To shortly answer your question: not bad, if you do it right.

[Anonymous No.22908045]

>>22907881
It can work if you make the characters good.
Given that the entire stake of the story is going to be weighted on this duo (If you make them care about the duo) you'll have to tie this conflict with the characters (Say, Character A's son is fighting in "the war" or "The revolution" for either side, something personal)
I imagine this book to just be two old guys from the late 19th century sitting in armchairs and discussing current political happenings over a cup of tea, some brandy or a cigar.
In fact, you could technically introduce more exciting scenes through the news or correspondence. (Say the radio describes in detail a graphic catastrophe or a cousin sends a telegram about a sudden upheaval in the palace). With the two characters giving commentary.

[Anonymous No.22908118]

>>22907766
I can't hear the characters "talk" if I play music or if someone real speaks at the same time. Am I the only one who gets this?

[Anonymous No.22908146]

>>22906470
how the fuck do I get started with getting my writing out there? any infographs? I'm a bong who writes Faulkner/Hem/McCarthy knockoff type melodrama so I understand that the odds are probably not in my favour.

[Anonymous No.22908155]

Does this work?

[Anonymous No.22908166]

>>22908155
This seems of publish-able quality, good work.

[Anonymous No.22908195]

>>22908155
Little loose with some awkward phrasing, but your prose is pretty good. I'd say it's like 80% of the way there.

[Anonymous No.22908198]

>>22908166
>>22908195
Thank you. I’ve had a couple of short stories published but this is my first novel and I’ve found it much more difficult. Progress is really slow but I’m generally pleased with what I’m putting down.

[Anonymous No.22908201]

If that guy who keeps trying to write two simultaneous scenes is still around:

1. Don't do this.
2. If you absolutely insist, put a pound sign, line break, or some other indication of the shift. If this shits up the page with clutter that should tell you the chapter is way too complicated.

[Anonymous No.22908219]

I am controversial and people could cancel me for things so batshit insane, I am talking about having said stuff that's too extreme and being overall disgusting. Now, how can I stay fully anonymous? I knos my stuff is good, I just dont want to be cancelled

[Anonymous No.22908251]

I seem to always have trouble coming up with the middle.
I can easily come up with a premise, a first scene, an inciting incident, and a thematically sound resolution; all in my estimation of course; but I keep fumbling or blanking on the middle.
Wat do?

[Anonymous No.22908258]

>>22908219
If it hasn’t happened to F Gardner for writing a horror novel about the JQ then you’re probably safe

[Anonymous No.22908290]

>>22908251

I start from the middle and work my way out. It's harder for me to determine beginnings and ends.

>wat do
just write.

The first few drafts are not for anyone other than you.

[Anonymous No.22908322]

>>22908118
Music w lyrics is distracting. I only listen to instrumentals or foreign singers.

[Anonymous No.22908330]

Peep my short story: https://notters.substack.com/p/the-crew-is-out-there

>>22906621
I enjoyed all the cynical inserts in the descriptive writing, really gives me a good feel for Safolabi. That being said, the language doesn't take advantage of these strengths well enough. For example,
>the various proprietors...hot pinks clashed immodestly...fiery reds warred with noxious purples
doesn't mesh with the same tone and focus as
>this despicable red-light district, and go back home to his bed and a nice hot meal
In this case, I'd simplify the writing of the first sentence in such a way that'd fit his character more.

>>22906668
I think you could drop your introductory similes. The imagery contradicts itself at times:
>necrotic chaos
into
>fresh haul of sea life
and though you qualify this visual with "cast forth upon a tide" and "from the depths", it detracts too much with the "fresh haul" descriptor, even more when you mention
>same way that entwining tree-roots might maintain a riverbank
In my opinion, you should replace these with more the same writing in the 4th and 6th paragraphs — I was engrossed the most by those segments. I fucking love it when authors describe a scene or environment through the very actions of the characters within it, or through simple observations. These sentences are solid examples in this regard:
>As he turned and crossed up the street...scenes of their dying
>A strange topology...bone and flesh

>>22906792
Pretty interesting, I'd like to see where you'd head with this if you're gonna continue

>>22907447
My dick
It's more of a nitpick than anything, but there are some parts here that repeat unnecessarily without expounding upon anything else. Lines like these could be rewritten, for example:
>The girl referred to the stench of alcohol on Derek Gardner’s breath.
>Felicia Cain continued to curse at the Commonwealth’s educational system
This issue can be easily fixed based on your writing, though. I especially liked all those strats you used to indicate Felicia's focus on self-care, they were included pretty well in both Gardner's character, his backstory, her very own character, etc. without being a simple standalone detail

>>22907887
Was about to say the figurative writing in the first paragraph is at odds with the scientific exposition of the second, but actual works from the 1600s definitely try to strike both styles, so it's pretty cool you wrote in that way. I'd just advise you to rearrange portions of each paragraph to craft better levels of understanding for the reader as the pace is concerned
>First it attacks...
before
>This invisible parasite consumes everything in its path...
for instance. The Anatomy of Melancholy by Burton writes similarly (in English), so you could check that out for inspo

>>22908155
The intent behind the writing is pretty good, I'd only recommend you add a little something between the trolleyman appearing and Allie being called to support her anxiety in being noticed

[Anonymous No.22908344]

>>22908155
>lingering for a moment before
Garden path sentence. 'Before' sounds like it's referring to time but then turns out to be about a location.
> lingering for a moment before [something happens]
>lingering for a moment before [this place]

[Anonymous No.22908381]

>>22908155
Agreed with >>22908344
"I had either to enlist a waiter or else head..." feels awkward and should be revised.
"Streetcars in shirtsleeves" is great imo
"One step, two step, three step, four" is a bit too Dr. Seuss for my taste. I get that it's playful, but I think you should make it less musical.

[Anonymous No.22908405]

>>22907766
It depends. If the entire chapter is in a darker or otherwise more violent I tend to listen to Grim Salvo radio mix on Spotify.
If not, I will play my everything else playlist, which has a wide variety of genres and tones.
>>22908322
I tend to tune out the music if I'm writing. I avoid listening to certain songs that I enjoy singing because I know that if I start then I'll have that on my mind instead of writing.

[Anonymous No.22908507]

Any /lit/ books nearing publication in a few months?

[Anonymous No.22908517]

>>22908322
>I can't hear the characters "talk" if I play music or if someone real speaks at the same time. Am I the only one who gets this?
Yeah, me too. That's why I listen to instrumentals. Some Videogames have some decent ambient/background music, but still, I am looking for something i can buy on CD or download as mp3

[Anonymous No.22908597]

>>22908290
Thig is that I'm plotting a story for a comic and I kind of want to just write it as a normal short story and then turn it into a script to hand to an artist.
First time I'm getting serious about turning my daily daydreaming into a story I intend others to read so I'm kind of lost.

[Anonymous No.22908673]

How are my based litrpg chads doing out there?

[Anonymous No.22908761]

First chapter of one of my more well-received manuscripts, tell me what you think.

https://litter.catbox.moe/15uqsj.pdf

[Anonymous No.22908806]

>>22908118
Same. I immediately just get bogged down. Instrumental music or movie theme songs etc. only.

[Anonymous No.22908812]

>>22907766
An Eminem Touhou remix on loop

[Anonymous No.22908818]

>40% of my novel is characters having bizarre dream sequences and some short stories within short stories

I mean they are essential to the story and development of plot but is this a redflag for first manuscript? I want to show I can experiment with different styles through these. This is from when a pair of my characters find an abandoned clocktower and the other decides to tell a story about one

>>22908761

It flows incredibly well. Reminds me of something Donna Tartt or F Scott Fitzgerald would write

[Anonymous No.22908843]

>>22903944
thx
I also hate /wg/ so much it's unreal

[Anonymous No.22908929]

Is my character concept partially dumb? The idea was that he was your usual bio weapon made by a megacorp. He is basically a rubber terminator being able to stretch himself. Inside of him is this weird blade weapon that “pops out” of his skin when he stretches. I.e he stretches his arm, his super long stretchy arm is like a giant sword. He can only do this one per limb. Imagine a stretch arm strong with a giant blade on its arm.

[Anonymous No.22908935]

>>22908929
Not particularly dumb, no. Reed Richards and Monkey D Luffy have similar powers and they're pretty popular.

[Anonymous No.22908953]

Anyone thinking about entering the RoyalRoad contest? Prompt is "Immortality is a myth" and you've got until the 10th to get your first chapter done, must get 8k words by the end of the month.
Prizes are just ads on the site, not anything with value unless you already have a story on the site that you want to shill.
If I hadn't gotten sick and I still had a good sized backlog for my Patreon I'd do it without issue, but I'm a little worried that if I started it would consume me and I would fall behind on my main story.

[Anonymous No.22908975]

As a court reporter handling captivating crime stories revealed during grand jury hearings, I seek ways to share these experiences while upholding confidentiality within the NDA framework. What format and approach would be most suitable?

[Anonymous No.22908992]

>>22908953
>Go to RoyalRoad
>thread is about what your character will do in a jump roping contest
>everyone chimes in on how their OC would be a quirky chungus who dominates the competition
>LitRPG fag chimes in about how he'd win because he has a high Dex Score

[Anonymous No.22908995]

I wanted to pose a question that I'm not sure if you have already discussed so I think I might be treading over old ground. Anyway:
What are your thoughts on using AI text generating to help write stories?
Not only is it topical, I do think it will be the future* of writing. The asterisk being my main question; *if it is accepted by the readers. And that's what I don't know and would get your guys' thoughts on.
By 'help' I mean using it to help write the draft, as I believe this is the only real use of the software as I don't believe an AI by itself can make an actual coherent story. I'm speaking about those AI's that just generate text on top of what you write before. You might write 'Mary jumped into the hole,' and then press enter and it generates 'a very scary hole that's' ect. ect. Essentially, it's just very sophisticated text generation and it doesn't actually know what it's talking about, and thus to me it can't actually make coherent character arcs or anything worth mustard, but as a tool I see use. You might be writing a draft and then get stuck, and instead of growing frustrated and bored, you press enter and the AI gives you something. It might be entirely shit and you discard it, or a part of it might be useful, or it might give you an idea where you want to take the story instead. In this way, a writer using AI is not only a writer but an editor that needs to know what's good to keep and what is bad. But that specific point, of choice and decision of the writer, is a valid one, isn't it? And so despite it being partly generated, it's still something only you could/would make. I'm still running on the realistic belief that you'd write the vast majority of the story, you coming up with the characters and plot and what story is told, what the message is ect.; the AI just is a helpful tool when you're struggling. In that way, it could help you finish your story and faster. And at the end of the day, a good story is a good story, no matter who or what wrote it, isn't it?
I, as many did, fell into the AI pit purely for writing pornography to jack off to. All my 'actual' stories that I have wrote, I wrote them normally and I'm hesitant to write any with the help of AI because I feel the reader won't accept it if they knew.
Thoughts?

[Anonymous No.22908998]

>>22908812
which eminem and 2hoo remix?

[Anonymous No.22909020]

>>22908998
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq0VqTH1az8

[Anonymous No.22909030]

>>22908995
The pedants are making me consider using AI for proof-reading. To be blunt, there is a science to getting fiction out there. Genre Fiction on Amazon have an entire vocabulary more likely to appeal to readers. I can definitely see AI being used to more efficiently meta-game.

[Anonymous No.22909036]

>>22907766
I have no idea with lyrics as long as theyre in a language I dont understand. The typical "french girl singing softly with ambient music" is okay with me, as well as https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wy-W-pYlds

[Anonymous No.22909041]

>>22909036
>no idea
I meant no problem, Ive had too much to drink tonight.

[Anonymous No.22909048]

>>22908953
What would I do with a fucking ad campaign? I rather work on my own stories than create shit effectively for free to promote their website.

[Anonymous No.22909074]

>>22908992
t. jumpropelet

[Anonymous No.22909119]

>>22909020
that's genuinely shit on a bun, even for 2hoo music

[Anonymous No.22909229]

>>22908818
Yeah. I find it to be some of my drier writing but people seem to like it

[Anonymous No.22909272]

>>22906815
You'll have to do a bit more than that if you ever want to -finish- a novel

[Anonymous No.22909349]

I end up focusing too much of my writing on 'thinking' instead of 'things.'
Rationalizing feelings and expanding on thoughts... like I'm writing a damn philosophy book.
Readers would better feel than understand if I understated these things....

[Anonymous No.22909366]

Bros….F Gardner is now a /pol/ meme. I guess it was only a matter of time till they caught wind of Kabbalah of the Crocodile. And here I thought it was mostly just us.

[Anonymous No.22909374]

Asked chatGPT to translate to english (this is only an excerpt), but what do you think?

With the coffin closed, it's impossible to look at Rebecca's made-up corpse. The light gleams on its varnish, and my eyes slip over the smoothness on which the earth will also slide in a few minutes. We came to one of those tomb-filled cemeteries, nothing too fancy, although here and there some varied tombstone arts catch the eye in the distance. All because Mrs. Carla believed she wanted to give her daughter at least this, and I can't even imagine the discussion that took place with Mr. Lúcio and the others. But if we're having this burial, it's because God's will prevailed. Here we are. I, a bit late, haven't missed much, it seems — the speeches haven't even started yet. As for the worms that will one day gnaw on your flesh, I can only confess to them my most sincere envy.

Meanwhile, I observed the cemetery workers carrying another deceased person's casket through the cemetery. One of the acquaintances of the deceased was nearby, also watching the procession. As if to start a conversation, he told me that the person was a good one and that it was a homicide. Three shots. I didn't respond. He continued: the family didn't believe that the guy was involved in such things, but it was told to the relatives that when they found the body in an empty house, it seems the rivals didn't even want to take the weapon. It happens. Sometimes with the best people. The person telling me this was a man in a shirt and dress pants, forcefully black, matching his shoes. Dressed for mourning. While he spoke, I noticed he had scars on his face, and I continued to listen to what he had to say. In the end, it was all a ruse for me to talk about my deceased person. My gaze swept over the expanse of the cemetery, speculating how and where to start, and my eyes slowly settled on some of the attendees. Rebeca's father and mother, for example. They were distant from each other. She, leaning on a railing and smoking a cigarette in the wind, for the sake of others' pleasure, also watching that scene; he, walking back and forth with a paper in hand, sometimes reading, sometimes staring in my direction. Suddenly, he walked over to me, relieving me of the obligation to talk about Rebeca to the man. Mr. Lúcio did that after we greeted each other.

"Vinício, I thought you wouldn't come."
"It was just a delay. Of course, I would come."

With not much else to do, I went to the coffin where Rebecca lay. I would have liked to glance at her expressive face one last time, even though dead, but I could only imagine her hands crossed inside, perhaps smiling philosophically — a detail that even with effort didn't leave her face, which was the reason for some absurd disagreements people had with her, she would say sometimes. Always kind, though. In the same direction, but a bit apart, was Mrs. Carla, her mother, in the rebellious black dress. Friends and relatives are here, obviously.

[Anonymous No.22909435]

>excerpt posting
Novels don't exist in a vacuum. We should encourage each other to read people's full manuscripts.

[Anonymous No.22909469]

>>22906700
Better than a post industrial town coming to terms with its legacy of racism

[Anonymous No.22909484]

>>22909374
>With the coffin closed, it's impossible to look at Rebecca's made-up corpse.
If the coffin is closed, we already know the implication that we cannot see the corpse.
>The light gleams on its varnish, and my eyes slip over the smoothness on which the earth will also slide in a few minutes.
I don't know what language you're translating from, but "slip" sounds a little silly. "-on which the earth will also slide in a few minutes" feels strange as well. Rather than focusing on the earth burying the coffin, I would say it'd be more impactful for the character to linger on the coffin, placing focus on knowing it will never be seen again.

>nothing too fancy,
This interjection is too light-hearted, and spoils the tone.
Same thing with >I, a bit late, haven't missed much, it seems — the speeches haven't even started yet.
Too much stopping and starting, it's a twisting knot of words. Things like "even", along with "just" and "very" are too much. The simpler, the more sentimental.
"The speeches haven't started," or some variation would communicate the same thing, but it'd be better to focus on what is going on rather than what isn't.

>As for the worms that will one day gnaw on your flesh, I can only confess to them my most sincere envy.
I wouldn't place this sentence here. It doesn't connect with the previous one. Additionally, it seems a bit crude. I would go for something with more refrain. "As for those things that may consume you, I can only confess to them my most sincere envy." Still a bit odd, but I like what you're going for with it. Rather than "consume" it should be something like "as for those things that will have you at the end."


It's hard to give advice when you know you're not reading the original transcription. I do not know which intentions were yours or which are mistakes from GPT. Disregarding these things, I do like the general idea you've got going on. But I feel like focusing on the coffin varnish at first is questionable, the bit with Mrs. Carla is too focused on her and Lucio, and the last paragraph isn't called for - as in, the dialogue just cuts off with elaboration.
The middle part meanders too much. Nothing in it really seems important unless you're writing a murder mystery.
It's not bad, but the strings between your ideas are a little thin.

[Anonymous No.22909507]

>>22906549
World building means building up the setting of the story. When you go to a new city you learn of the city's architecture, climate, and history, even if you didn't go to the city for that purpose. The same is true of world-building. Details of the setting that make themselves known irrespective of the characters or the plot.

[Anonymous No.22909579]

>>22909484
>unless you're writing a murder mystery
Well, it's almost exactly that. Basically, it's about a guy who makes love to the corpse of his recently deceased girlfriend and hides from her parents and the reader the fact that he may have killed her(?). "(?)" because what really happened (I leave it suggested that she committed suicide) is intentionally ambiguous, with no definite answer. The narrator is unfaithful; I think this becomes clearer later in the text. However, I would say that these idiosyncrasies in the narration help to show that the character-narrator is not entirely emotionally invested in it. I agree with you that if it were another case, much of what is written in the first paragraph would not have the same dramatic force. The point is to deceive the reader, to hide what is really important, etc., until it becomes obvious that things are not what they seem. I wrote this three years ago, and I'm here more to test if the AI is good at translating things. I think I'll soon send another excerpt from another story I wrote in 2020, just to test and see what you guys think (both stories are finished, and I won't revise them anymore).

[Anonymous No.22909602]

>>22909484
>As for the worms that will one day gnaw on your flesh, I can only confess to them my most sincere envy
That's a silly reference to the tribute at the beginning of Brás Cubas by Machado de Assis. Maybe a fellow brazilian could catch it, idk. Well, here's the other story's excerpt:

It is natural to pass through that street and have attention captured by the humble and vast garden of bromeliads, ageratum, almond trees, lilies, and the like. The gardener is Mr. Camilo, a reasonably famous figure in the neighborhood, and in whose medical report, kept in the back of the last drawer of a dresser, his schizophrenia is noted. This report was made a few years ago. Before that, he was not inclined towards plants until he heard the sound of a camellia, and his life changed from there forever.

That plants could speak to him was a shock, but not for his family. They dismissed the idea with jokes; no one believed. Later, he was equally discouraged by the plants themselves from explaining further. Why or how this happened, he did not know, despite having suspicions and convictions then and now, later finding better explanations than his own. As there were plants everywhere, of one nature or another, but his ability to hear their thoughts, diverse and noisy, did not have an on-off switch, his problems multiplied. Constantly bombarded by these sounds, he had to learn to coexist with them. At first, he covered his ears even in front of others, arousing curiosity. His classmates at the time naturally asked why, and as his excuses were washed, they threatened to spread his peculiar ways throughout the school. Embarrassed, Camilo said what it was, the talking of the plants. His classmates picked some stray flowers from the school bushes to test such an improbable claim. That's when Camilo explained that the plants didn't speak words, didn't think in terms recognizable to us linguistically. They were close to noises, some so sophisticated that they seemed like music, and from these sounds, Camilo could only interpret — that's all. Their reaction was contrary to expected. One laughed, caught off guard with no other option. The other two looked at each other, trying to understand if it wasn't a clever trick employed by Camilo. Over time, they forgot, also because their plant-friendly friend stopped covering his ears, and, in fact, in the end, this had little to do with what a hearing block could prevent.

[Anonymous No.22909617]

I'm planning a romance melodrama for my VN game.
I want to follow a specific theme that permeates through the entire plot, preferably something unique.
For example:
- The importance of friendship
- The importance of wishes/goals, and how to achieve them
- Dangers of impulsiveness and learning to control yourself
- Coping with loss (death, break up, whatever it may be, etc)
- Dangers of peer pressure
- Love literally transcends through reincarnations
Anyone have any cool ideas?

[Anonymous No.22909620]

>>22909617
missed opportunities

[Anonymous No.22909622]

>>22909617
The importance of sticking to one's personal code could be good, although that's an individualist theme so it may clash with romance

[Anonymous No.22909654]

short story excerpt. not too confident in it, given its abstract and gimmicky nature, but i wanted to do something of a robert coover thing.

[Anonymous No.22909689]

>>22909654
It's interesting. The premise reminds me of one of the endings to Space Warlord Organ Trading Simulator
"a galaxy of children who've only seen red "-

[Anonymous No.22909761]

help please anons, every grammar check says different:

>"Obviously, neither I nor my companion or anyone else from the 'movement' endorse her writings."

should it be endorse or endorses? should it be nor x2? thanks bros

[Anonymous No.22909777]

>>22909761
So far as I know, either works. Personally, I think that endorses sounds better when said aloud.
Also nor both times sounds better to me.
Depending on who is speaking in your writing, they can make slight grammatical errors that sound better, but I would be sure that your narration is grammatically correct.
Lastly, and this may just be my style, but I'd toss in a comma after I, companion, and movement.
These would emphasize the offense he feels, if that is what your quote is supposed to show.

[Anonymous No.22909828]

>>22909777
Thanks, luckyanon. I realise now it can be a lot less serpentine if I just amend it to "Obviously, I [&co...] don't endorse ..."

I also may have misled you with the speech marks. Do the rules change significantly if this is straight first person narration? Thanks again, luckyanon

[Anonymous No.22909874]

>>22909828
I'm gonna be honest with you, mostly I'm self taught, so my exact understanding of what the 'rules' are is not expansive.
I try to be more strict with my grammar for narration, as it is often either the writer speaking in a sense, so it reflects poorly on you to make errors or otherwise be improper, or because I consider omniscient narration to be somewhat colder and more objective.
When I'm narrating in first person I do write as that character, which means including any little oddities in their speech or action in the narration.
I mostly write in third person, and include small bits of the focus character in the narrator, but I'm still writing in a tone more like myself rather than them.

[Anonymous No.22909877]

Stuck in my novel, so I started two short stories. This is a disease.

[Anonymous No.22909894]

>>22909877
Not at all! Write whatever you feel at the moment. If nothing else, you'll get it out of your system, making mental room for other things (such as, if the muse is willing, returning to your novel).

[Anonymous No.22909913]

To the Bond anon from last thread who posted their treatment: I have the link saved but haven't gotten a chance to look it over yet. Once I do, I'll post my thoughts.

[Anonymous No.22909931]

Anyone else find it almost impossible to write when it's just for your own goals, but hugely motivating when it's for a teacher or group of people to read? Without feedback I feel like I just inevitably begin to hate myself and feel contempt for what I wrote to the extent that I abandon it and drink. >Inb4 weak willed faggot ngmi.
Already aware of that

[Anonymous No.22909944]

>>22909931
That's why you set a quota.

[Anonymous No.22909961]

>>22909931
Absolutely agree. Without an external deadline, all my self-imposed ones pass by like clouds. There is only a tinge of sadness. Perhaps the trick is to join multiple groups and workshops so you're forced to be creating things all the time and be held to account. Don't give up. Just keep punching til the wall breaks.

[Anonymous No.22909984]

>>22909931
I have felt that somewhat. I posted a chapter a day for months, but after setting up a Patreon I changed to a chapter every two days.
Though this hasn't stopped me from having crazy burst days where I write 6k words of actually usable stuff, I feel the pressure is lower and so is my output since I post to my Patreon whenever a chapter is done and my only time constraint is keeping my schedule for free chapters.

[Anonymous No.22910002]

>>22909961
How did you find good writing groups?

[Anonymous No.22910043]

>>22910002
Ex-classmates mainly. Most dropped off, everything does. If you can find some core people who are at least serious about trying to be serious about it, then hold onto them. But everyone quits eventually, or at least lapses for long periods.

That's why I miss the /lit/ crit threads. You'd begin to recognise anons by their content. No one was ever on review, but critting others and getting eyes on your own shit and generally thinking more often about craft shit really motivated me after the irl groups died out. Maybe I'll start them up again

[Anonymous No.22910065]

I like to subvert expectations, but I mean that in the sense where I refuse to use clichés that suck.
It's not that I don't use cliché's entirely, I just don't use the ones I hate for the genre. For example, this martial arts story
>Public marital artists are shit compared to "Underground" fighters inherently because muh warrior instinct
A boxer completely decimates a no-holds barred Karate master because he's just better at fighting. Nothing more, nothing less.
>Esoteric techniques like "Pressure points" and "Redicrection"
The more basic stuff is best because you can use it more reliably.

[Anonymous No.22910161]

>>22909620
Hard theme to explore when you can reload a save

[Anonymous No.22910177]

>He stood, watching the rain pitter-patter against the window, attempting to collect himself but constantly failing. His trademark animalistic grin was nowhere to be seen as he broke out in sweat after sweat, thinking about that man. The man smaller than him and using a lesser art. That man was the first person, nay, first thing to ever truly strike fear into his heart. That wasn't a fight against a mere martial artist, that was more akin to trying to fight a category 5 hurricane. It just wasn't possible.
>He didn't win that fight. Sure, he was standing upright and his opponent was in a hospital bed, but he didn't win. That was luck, not a result of anything within his control. And in that fight, he had no control. He wasn't able to outstrike Lape, who dodged and counterattacked him like it was nothing. His efforts at wrestling down the smaller Nak Muay were always interrupted by another elbow, punch, knee, or kick. His efforts to parry were met with torn flesh, as the very arms he tried to guard with were nearly shattered from the iron-hard strikes his opponent possessed. He was outclassed, and the only thing he could do was try to withstand the onslaught of someone who was previously a victim of his. Someone who wouldn't let up until he was dead.
>The most he was able to manage was a desperate attack with the ferocity of a wild animal the moment his opponent was distracted by a momentary outsider.
>To nobody in particular besides himself, he spoke
>"Lape Agit... That's your name, isn't it? Even though you're not even in this room with me, know this: You won. Your revenge is complete."
I could do better than this but whatever.
Spell Lape's name backwards and translate it from Malay lol

[Anonymous No.22910193]

>>22909761
Nor
>But there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth,
>When two strong men stand face to face though they come from the ends of the earth!

[Anonymous No.22910202]

What are some cool unique treasures for a sailor king to keep in his outwardly humble, but lavishly furnished ship?

So far I have
>Skulls of various enemies dipped in gold
>Sword of a swordmaster hanging on the wall
>Finely decorated chalices, teapots, and plates (his sigil is inlaid on the rims)
>Rare animal pelts (tigers mostly, maybe a lion's head as well)
>Ivory carvings

[Anonymous No.22910398]

Southern spooky story. Wrote this instead of my novel. Enjoy! cc welcome.

https://pastebin.com/nUqwVW7t

[Anonymous No.22910471]

>>22909654
I really like it anon! Your language is both engaging and clear!

[Anonymous No.22910487]

>>22910398
I like the conversational tone, anon. My one criticism is that it's a little dull. Maybe that's because of the sort of passive tone. The narrator doesn't really seem to engaged.

Good luck with your novel. :)

[Anonymous No.22910542]

Tried my hand at YA fantasy... not my forte lol

https://pastebin.com/krzVqgaX

[Anonymous No.22910547]

i like it when characters speak unnaturally and use archaic and esoteric words and strange turns of phrase and its just natural and nobody questions it even if the story is happening in current year. is that bad

[Anonymous No.22910672]

>>22908975
>As a court reporter handling captivating crime stories revealed during grand jury hearings, I seek ways to share these experiences while upholding confidentiality within the NDA framework. What format and approach would be most suitable?
bump for this.

[Anonymous No.22910744]

>>22909620
>>22909622
Great ideas, thanks bros.

[Anonymous No.22910815]

>>22909931
I'm the exact opposite, I can only write for myself. I joined a creative writing course in college, and thought it was going to be the easiest clear ever. But when I sat down to write, I realized I couldn't. I can't do shit if I know it's for someone else, following some prompt. I just keep thinking what they're going to think about it and get crippled by anxiety. In the end, I didn't submit anything.

I only got over the barrier years later when I stopped giving a damn about other people and started doing whatever I pleased.

[Anonymous No.22910903]

>>22909931
I find that it’s extremely motivating to write when I am specifically aping another writer’s writing style, and it is almost impossibly hard for me to write without having this in mind.

To put it into perspective, I tried to write smut for myself and kept writing only first pages. Then, after having read a chapter of Moby Dick, I decided that I wanted to mimic Herman Melville’s prose, and so I ended up completing a short story within a few days. In short, I wrote smut with the same prose style (though nowhere near the beauty) as Melville. I managed to write 1,800 to 2,000 words a day in the span of two hours when I was trying to mimic the style of Lovecraft. To me, there is nothing more motivating and freeing than trying to write in the style of another writer. I can somehow only be productive when I write in a voice other than my own. I hope this is only a normal part of developing as a writer, and not some form of autism.

[Anonymous No.22910971]

How do you counteract wordcount brainrot?

[Anonymous No.22910976]

>>22910903
It's always easier to do something when you have a framework, or an objective. When writing in your "own style", did you put thought into what you wanted your style to be and create structure for yourself, or did you just YOLO and hope that whatever came out would be your style? That CAN work, but it requires the luck of intuition and inspiration, whereas a thought-out or pre-existing structure can just be immediately used.

Personally, I have written in the style of a particular author for almost 5-6 years, and due to this extreme amount of time it has slowly morphed into something more of my own just because over time I forget some things or add some things. I suspect this is the practice not of a genius, but of an average writer -- with the acknowledgment that most writers are average by default. Nothing wrong with it unless you are David Hume and specifically writing to be known as a genius or something.

[Anonymous No.22911116]

>>22908330
Excellent writing, anon!

My only feedback would be to use SIGNIFICANTLY more paragraphs. :)

[Anonymous No.22911158]

>>22910903
Honestly, anon, that sounds like a good way to develop your writing skills. There's a reason that writers talk about finding your "voice". It's not something that comes from the ether, but playing around with other writer's styles and voices feeds into it. Same way musicians have influences and jam with that in mind before they develop a unique style. Keep at it!

[Anonymous No.22911297]

>>22910672
Change the names?

[Anonymous No.22911302]

>>22910971
Turn off wordcount

[Anonymous No.22911325]

>>22910487

Yep. Channeling old southern ladies that I grew up with. If I go back to it, I'll expand the conspiracy so it's obvious the old ladies are throwing corn out into the road to attract deer and dissuade people from speeding along their road at night.

[Anonymous No.22911410]

>>22911325
Southern fiction bros, we are going to make it.

[Anonymous No.22911734]

Is using grammarly the same as having AI write a work?

[Anonymous No.22911736]

>>22909913

OK the opening sequence is missing clear stakes. Why does getting the military transport plans (and failing that, the engineer) matter so much? There isn't inherent stakes in that (or if there is, it's too small--compare to something like plans for a new kind of nuclear warhead or stealth bomber). Now, if you're trying to build suspense on that question, and don't want to answer it immediately, you still need to make it clear why the mission matters to Bond specifically. What happens if Bond fails? Why that would be the worst thing ever for Bond, his worst nightmare, to the point that Bond would continue the mission even after knowing its a trap, risking the lives of fellow operatives? Compare that to the opening of Casino Royale (which you may or may not like as a Bond film, but is a decent film nonetheless). First line of dialogue sets up the stakes: the spy is a double-agent and is selling secrets to the other side. Scene then develops the stakes further: this is Bond's trial mission to become a 00.

The rest of the sequence is pretty slick. I especially like the safehouse being behind enemy lines, Bond taking preemptive measures for the expected chase, etc. One thing you may want to do is plant the officer that spikes Bond's drink earlier on so that the scene is filled with dramatic irony. E.g you could have the officer show up inconspicuously at the conference, suspiciously watching Bond from a distance, and then again as the person who hands Bond his drink.

1/2

[Anonymous No.22911739]

>>22911736
Moving on, it feels like there wasn't enough of a consequence for Bond's fuckup. He should have been reprimanded or at least humiliated by someone more powerful then him (or someone he admires--Moneypenny, for example, though it might be out of character for her, depending on how you've written her). Without that, there's really no point to that scene beyond setup and backstory. If Bond at least reveals the location, that makes for a good reversal of the sequence--though of course, it may not be appropriate to the plot. I'll just assume that M gives him a good drubbing when he tells him he'll be taken off USSR missions (if only to further setup the reveal at the end that he frustrated his own plans) before reassigning him to another job.

The whole poker scene feels a bit too much like a rehash of Casino Royale. Maybe pick a different game or venue (even if you're trying to "correct" that scene, it will still feel like a rehash). Maybe blackjack?

The rest feels OK. One thing that did bother me is how easily the two UNCLE agents were able to convince Bond of their true identity. And even if he believed them, I don't think he would have just revealed everything he knew so easily. It felt like a plot convenience. I also didn't see a reaction to the reveal that they were ones that planted the bug that got Felix killed. Even if Bond is trying to remain professional, there should at least be some indication that he's trying to control himself. You also need to setup your scenes more. Sometimes scenes feel a bit disconnected from each other where they should be coupled by tight cause and effect. The first Isabelle scene and the dismembering scene are like this. Also for the dismembering scene, wouldn't it make more sense for him to test the poison on her? That way, the audience gets a visceral understanding of what's at stake, what would happen if the poison was released. Otherwise, we just have the fish, which isn't nearly as compelling. Plus it makes his own death (which comes at the very end, thereby not really mattering for stakes either) that much more ironic.

2/3

[Anonymous No.22911742]

>>22911734
IIRC Grammarly comes with text generation features so if you use those, yes

[Anonymous No.22911741]

>>22911739
Final thoughts: I got the sense that the theme is centered around Bond's relationship with women (the dead girlfriend flashback, the harem, Moneypenny, etc.) and his jadedness with serving King and Country but beyond that it's not really clear what the movie is about. Bond wanting to quit the service because the job has become morally grey but then getting revitalized by wanting to protect people around him doesn't really make sense because the character is a loner by nature. Who does he want to protect? Moneypenny? I think you said that you were going for something closer to the original novels, but iirc it was later authors who added the romantic tension between Bond and Moneypenny, not Fleming. Regardless, I think you need something more substantial than a few flirtation scenes to set up that kind of strong motivation. I do like the natural foil of SPECTRE being what Bond might become if he gives in to the jadedness (given it was created by jaded Nazis), and I think you should play up that angle more with Milton (and Isabelle too). Milton could be the business equivalent; Isabelle the philanthropist equivalent.

Last thing I'll emphasize are the stakes. Starting a proxy war via a false flag nerve gas operation in bumfuck Africa is realistic (just like stealing military transport plans), but not all that compelling. You need to bring things closer to home, more specific to Bond and to the theme. Maybe focus exclusively on the human trafficking angle (which the major powers are supporting on the down low--including Britain--because some powerful people are either making money from it or are eager customers.) Maybe the drug isn't a poison, but something to keep the girls docile and sterile. Maybe you hate these ideas, and thats fine, that indicates you have good sense of what your movie is about, but you still have to organize your movie around whatever that is--and it should be one thing explored from all angles, not multiple things explored cursorily. It would be nice if things connected more too, like if the engineer/plane had something to do with Milton's plans.

[Anonymous No.22911749]

>mfw Grammarly starts getting uppity about my word choices

[Anonymous No.22911753]

>>22910202
a big ol swordfish

[Anonymous No.22911769]

>>22911749
>when readers get uppity about your word choices in the exact same way as Grammarly

[Anonymous No.22911771]

>>22911749
It's why I stopped using it after just a few days.

[Anonymous No.22911780]

>>22911769
>>22911749
If you want to be successful you vill accept ze substitutions. Grammarly came about because Corpos thought they were slick by automatically filtering out resumes with specific word choices. The same robot mindset applies to readers.

[Anonymous No.22912182]

>>22911116
Thanks, anon. I tend to separate things into paragraphs only when it's character-driven, but I do agree that shit gets in the way of readability, looking back on it now. Here's another vampire girl for the thread.

[Anonymous No.22912266]

>>22911749
Post the excerpt, anon

[Anonymous No.22912556]

Has anyone here heard of the website Adim?
I got messaged on Twitter by someone claiming to be from the site and he named my story, but he used the old title, so I assume it isn't a bot that follows just looks for anyone with RR links in their bio, that he may have actually seen my story on the site itself.

[Anonymous No.22912595]

>>22911297
Yes but, should I just cooy/paste the Q/A?

[Anonymous No.22912612]

>>22908975
>claims to be a court reporter
>seeks legal advice from 4chan
Shouldn't you know better?

[Anonymous No.22912953]

>>22912556
>Has anyone here heard of the website Adim?
NFT shit to scam royalty rights.

https://variety.com/2022/biz/news/rob-mcelhenney-adim-1235286188/

[Anonymous No.22913079]

>>22912953

Holy fuck pay to work bullshit? Why the fuck does he need money?

[Anonymous No.22913121]

>>22906470
Got a new set of writings available

Here’s a sample

[Anonymous No.22913127]

>>22913121
(cont)

[Anonymous No.22913288]

>>22913079
How do think think rich people get rich? Hard work? Nah they scam poor people

[Anonymous No.22913291]

>>22913121

As a general rule, if you want to say something interesting about a subject, you have to understand the subject.

[Anonymous No.22913529]

>>22906815
After several incidents yesterday derailed me HARD, to the point that I got a whole two sentences down (I'm going by the mantra of "No zero days", to build writing daily up into a habit), I have continued today. I got 1,200 words down way faster than I usually do, so I'll do some outlining later tonight.

>>22907766
Eminem, 2Pac, 50 Cent, Big Pun, etc. Mostly 90's-00's rap...which makes no sense since I'm currently writing a high fantasy story, but it gets the job done.

>>22909272
Oh, I know. Around this time last year I started working on a military sci-fi novel based on a friend's idea, but lost interest about 16k words deep.

The difference here (I hope) is the fact that my current work is in a setting I've been worldbuilding for the last two years. If I haven't lost interest so far, why would I now?

[Anonymous No.22913739]

>>22908761
I'll look at it later

[Anonymous No.22913834]

>>22913291
Well it’s clear you haven’t

[Anonymous No.22913997]

>>22913834

Babe, if you want to talk about Spectacle, start by Citing Debord's definition.

>On Baudrillard’s analysis, advertising, packaging, display, fashion, “emancipated” sexuality, mass media and culture, and the proliferation of commodities multiplied the quantity of signs and spectacles, and produced a proliferation of sign-value. Henceforth, Baudrillard claims, commodities are not merely to be characterized by use-value and exchange value, as in Marx’s theory of the commodity, but sign-value — the expression and mark of style, prestige, luxury, power, and so on — becomes an increasingly important part of the commodity and consumption (see Goldman and Papson 1996).

The risk of making shit up on the internet is that someone will call you out on it. Hop over to the SEP and read up. From the bottom up, you are severely lost.

[Anonymous No.22914189]

I've been trying to write with a quota per day, but I hate what I'm writing, or at least I think it's boring as fuck prose-wise. Is this normal for a first draft for something more long-form? Should you just worry about the quality of the prose on revision? I normally do short stories so I'm not used to just leaving things so mediocre, but before this I was making nearly no progress.

[Anonymous No.22914196]

>>22913997
Well the entire point is drive away the notion that these people should be held up as ‘sacred cows’ regardless of their ideas. Most people on here just follow specific philosophers because they’re told to, not because they have anything useful to say

[Anonymous No.22914211]

>>22914189
I'd say that it is normal. When I write the first draft of my chapters I tend to go with more simple words and in some cases I won't even write more than an outline of the scenes.
To me it is best to just get it out, then you can look at the chapter from start to finish and back, thinking about if you like how it is laid out and how it progressed.
Sometimes this means erasing scenes that end up not working how you like, or shifting their position.
I wouldn't worry about your prose unless it still feels wrong even after revision.

[Anonymous No.22914295]

I have realized the book I am writing is very boring.

I am 10 chapters in and debating if I should keep going with the first draft as it is then rewrite later or if I should just start all over only this time using a high action focus to make sure something is always happening or setting up for stuff happening.
Right now it's too much chit-chat and descriptions. Not even good descriptions because I lack the mindset to be artfully in such things.

I also think my trying to use extended vocabulary and nicer prose was a mistake. I should just write simply and plainly to get the scenes across as efficiently as possible and make it easy to read and understand. Could write stuff faster that way too.

[Anonymous No.22914303]

Sometimes I get ten thousand words into a story before I realize I didn't have the POV character's personality nailed down enough and they've gone completely off the rails
Sometimes that's fine but other times the story depends on their psychological quirks being very specific

[Anonymous No.22914317]

How do you write a good story with Catholic/Orthodox themes in a modern setting? Trying to write it with mere "themes" as per Dostoevsky is a bit mundane for me, but introducing supernatural elements makes it feel very on the nose. It also feels aimless because there's no clear antagonist.

[Anonymous No.22914333]

>posted my synopsis threads ago
>none of you warned me that I'm writing medical propaganda
useless general

[Anonymous No.22914335]

>>22914303
I'm trying something for that RoyalRoad contest, and I wrote just 700 words in a first person perspective before I realized that I am simply uncomfortable with writing that way unless I'm already invested in the character, which, in this case, its more or less an animal that doesn't have strong internal thoughts yet.
It makes me want to write another interlude in first person.

[Anonymous No.22914434]

>>22914317
For Catholic themes the characters should feel guilty about everything they have ever done
For Orthodox themes there should be bones

[Anonymous No.22914458]

>>22914211
Thanks, I suppose I'll just burn through it then worry about it later.

[Anonymous No.22914462]

>>22914434
Thanks for nothing, retard.

[Anonymous No.22914541]

>>22914317
>>22914462
Immanentize the eschaton

[Anonymous No.22914653]

>>22912612
>>seeks legal advice from 4chan
Not legal advice. I want to write the stories, I just don't know how to retell them in the best format.

[Anonymous No.22914688]

>>22914652
I wrote a short story related to this post
https://pastebin.com/8amQPm0x

[Anonymous No.22914690]

>>22914688
Check em. It's about a thing that goes inside a machine for a while.

[Anonymous No.22914758]

I need to stay off youtube vids about writing until I finish writing my first practice novel.
Just watched a vid that pointed out that everything about my writing is shit and now I feel like I shouldn't bother anymore.
There is just such a massive gap between my beginner writing and being not unreadable shit.
Worst yet is that unlike other hobbies I tried there is a massive gap between doing the thing and getting feedback.
It isn't like martial arts where you know you are doing something wrong because you keep getting punched in the face.

Instead it's hard to tell what you are doing wrong until you are months into a project. And unless you are social you ether have to be your own critic to get feedback or literally pay people.

I am not having fun anymore.

[Anonymous No.22914769]

>>22914541
I want to write something literary in the vein of Dostoevsky, Laurus, and the Space Trilogy, not Revelation.

[Anonymous No.22914789]

>>22914295
>>22914758
If you're capable of seeing that your own writing is shit, that puts you above 90% of amateur writers. Now just figure out why and work to improve.

[Anonymous No.22914953]

Anyone know how to cultivate a audience without a social media presence?
I have no clue how somebody gets people to read their stuff while they are a nobody.
Do people even read like that anymore?
Maybe I would be better off converting some short stories into scrips and doings them as audio dramas for youtube or something.

[Anonymous No.22914986]

>>22914196

That's a made up empirical claim- unsupported by data, and prima facie laughable. Philosophy is conceptual analysis or empirical observations supporting conjectures. To do conceptual analysis, you have to present definitions for the crucial terms you are analyzing and then show how, through logic, they are incoherent, fail to meet an empirical finding or they are at odds with "our intuitions".

[Anonymous No.22914994]

Will readers notice or care if I have Character 1 separate from Character 2 to go do something that doesn't seem like it should take that long, then when they meet back up, Character 2 has done something that seems like it should have taken quite a lot longer than what Character 1 did?

[Anonymous No.22915046]

>>22914994
People are generally very bad at estimating how long something takes, and don't think at all about what they read. If your story blows up and gets hundreds of thousands of readers, there might be one or two such autists among them, but that's extremely unlikely

[Anonymous No.22915893]

>>22914953
This method works, but is not recommended.

[Anonymous No.22915907]

>>22914653
Write them in "primer" format.
See lawyer. See lawyer lie. Lie, lawyer, lie!

[Anonymous No.22915983]

>>22914317
What's your experience with those churches?

[Anonymous No.22916421]

>>22915983
Being a member with a deep interest in and solid foundational understanding of the theology and history and liturgy.

[Anonymous No.22916480]

Wrote this today instead of other shit I need to do
https://rentry.org/9tq2a
Not happy with some repetitive phrasing in places but I don't plan to bother polishing

[Anonymous No.22916549]

I'm writing a story about a Phoenix that reincarnates without any memories of its past lives because of the RoyalRoad contest with the prompt of "Immortality is a Myth."
I'm currently thinking about calling it My Favorite Ashes, but I don't feel super strongly about it.
I'm trying to just do something with a vaguely more poetic name and a possibly solemn feeling to it.
Here is the opening bit. I haven't given it a final editing pass, but it is something.

[Anonymous No.22916638]

>>22916421
Of both?

[Anonymous No.22916671]

>>22916638
Obviously not. Why don't you assist me rather than interrogating my personal life?

[Anonymous No.22917188]

Trying to work on worldbuilding a little in mine with the stuff involving the octopuses.

>>22916549

It flows well and I like the imagery associated with fire/rebirth, etc.

[Anonymous No.22917523]

Been thinking about getting into self publishing after looking the the absolute SLOP that is on Royal Road, especially their Science Fiction section. A lot of these hacks are pulling in thousands a month from their patrons and I'm wondering how hard can it be? Don't want to make huge money, couple hundred a month is enough for me to avoid the wage cage and I've got enough runway right now that I can focus on writing and building a following for a few years before having to go back to work.

[Anonymous No.22917566]

>>22913739
>>22908761
It's good. A bit expositiony, but as said by another it flows incredibly well. Solid beginning for a murder mystery

[Anonymous No.22917613]

How do I turn a fanfiction into a novel without having the readers catch on?

[Anonymous No.22917647]

>>22917613
Change the names. 50 Shades was a Twilight fanfic.
I'm partly joking, but it largely depends on how dependent your story is on being set within another fiction. For 50 Shades, it was disconnected from the world of Twilight, wearing it more like a skin suit and ignoring the vampire and such. This meant that changing the names really was enough to be alright. Yet if your story is so deeply intertwined with the world it is set in that you can't read it without thinking about what it is from, then changing names won't cut it.
If I wrote a fantasy story about a farm boy whose aunt and uncle are killed by an evil empire and then goes to meet with a wizard who knew his father and then goes to a fortress named the Deathmoon, people are gonna be pretty sure that I'm writing about star wars even if the window dressing was changed from scifantasy to just fantasy.
Now, if instead I just have a story about a boy who is found to be magically talented with the touch, which grants telekinesis and clairvoyance, and he is taken to a temple for training, it becomes much easier to see that there are parallels to the world of star wars but that is isn't just star wars.

[Anonymous No.22917737]

>>22917613
>>22917647
This happens all the time
Hitchhiker's Guide was 90% rejected Doctor Who scripts
Warcraft and Starcraft were rejected Warhammer games
Krull was a rejected D&D movie
Babylon 5 was a rejected Star Trek show that got made anyway and aired the same year
"Fanfiction" just means you published it without even waiting for the rejection letter

[Anonymous No.22918009]

>>22914789
You cant though

[Anonymous No.22918064]

>over 60 people have looked at my weird maid porn that I made in an hour
>no replies
Well I can't promise I'll try harder next time but the least I can do is post something different

[Anonymous No.22918222]

>>22917523
As one of those hacks, realize you're judging those stories based on prose and not consumability. You don't know how to make a greesy cheeseburger and you will fail because of it.
That said if you're willing to learn and cater to normals a few hundred a month is very attainable, even for an outsider.

[Anonymous No.22918277]

>>22918222
So the money is in mass serialised slop for retards? Man, that's grim news dude. I guess it makes sense though when you look at the tags on the top viewed stuff. Superheroes, anti-hero leads and reddit shit like that. I'm sure I could punt a bunch of shit like that out but it would hurt my soul.

[Anonymous No.22918348]

>>22918277
Anti-heroes are based

[Anonymous No.22918466]

>>22918348
On what?

[Anonymous No.22918497]

>>22913529
Interruptions didn't stop me today, although my writing time was certainly later than I'd like.

Shy of 1,000 words, but it's better than the ZERO words per day that I've been doing for the past 11 months. It seems I might just have a work ethic after all!

>>22918222
Tips on consumability-maxing?

>>22910202
Taxidermied (Is that how you spell that?) octopus, preferably a large one that could have threatened the ship.

[Anonymous No.22918841]

>>22910065
In fact, one of my biggest things is subverting the usual martial arts manga where the big intimidating guy is done in by a smaller, meeker looking guy.
No, this doesn't happen. The bigger, stronger guy one-sidedly demolishes the smaller guy

[Anonymous No.22918983]

Some comments on my short story here?

ca-fletcher DOT COM slash 2023/12/28/music-our-parents-listened-to

[Anonymous No.22919015]

>>22908251
Come up with your "middle scene". That's when plot changes from introduction and set up to overcoming some hardships.

[Anonymous No.22919018]

>>22908761
Like the other anon said, a bit expositioney. I would also say that some of the prose was a bit junky. Eg, well to do should probably be hyphenated; "It was hardly surprising, then" is clunky; and there's a bunch of filtering like, 'she remembered' when you could just say the memory.

[Anonymous No.22919330]

>>22918466
Crack cocaine

[Anonymous No.22919989]

>>22918277
It's always been like that. Look up "penny dreadfuls" for a historic example of low-brow serialized work.

[Anonymous No.22920080]

>>22917647
>If I wrote a fantasy story about a farm boy whose aunt and uncle are killed by an evil empire and then goes to meet with a wizard who knew his father and then goes to a fortress named the Deathmoon, people are gonna be pretty sure that I'm writing about star wars even if the window dressing was changed from scifantasy to just fantasy
Paolini did this and was highly successful

[Anonymous No.22920085]

>>22920080
Ah, but the Anon asked how to do so without anyone realizing that he was writing fanfiction converted into regular fiction.
I've never read Eragon, but I've certainly heard people making the Star Wars comparison.

[Anonymous No.22920200]

>>22920080
Isn't this the new Top Gun movie? People noticed the comparison (which was even more pronounced than your description) and it still became one of the highest grossing movies of the year. If there's one thing I've learned about storytelling in the 15+ years I've been doing it, it's that no one gives a shit about abstractions. Plot is an abstraction. The devil is in the details.

[Anonymous No.22920301]

>>22920080
>>22920200
Mortal Engines kind of did it too, and then the movie's grand finale was the endings of ANH, ESB, and RotJ one after another. Didn't bother anybody.
The worst tantrum I've ever seen from an audience ripping off ANH was when Star Wars itself did that in TFA, but they still came right back and watched the next two movies.

[Anonymous No.22920399]

>>22914986
Too bad that method has seen better days. Hume, for all his faults was correct in assuming the current zeitgeist is one of sentimental value.

[Anonymous No.22920407]

>>22918277
The money has always been in slop in basically everything. Have you ... I don't know, paid attention to society, ever? It's not even a modern development. How is this a surprise?

[Anonymous No.22920577]

>>22920399

Nope, if you're not doing analytic philosophy you're not doing philosophy. Everything else is bad poetry. And Hume had nothing to say about "the current zeitgeist" you twat. He was writing in the middle of the 1700's in the death throws of Humoral theory and Aristotilian metaphysics. Incredible to see such a diseased mind on lit of all places. kindly shut the fuck up and go somewhere else to spew drivel.

[Anonymous No.22920730]

>>22919989
>>22920407
>It's not even a modern development.
This is just what they want you to believe.
Luckily for me, there is an idealized version of the past inside my mind that I can wax nostalgic for without ever looking at reality.

[Anonymous No.22920760]

I found an editor for my next project, but not before I got a rejection message from another. I forgot that they are wont to reject just like publishers and agents.

[Anonymous No.22920793]

Have any of you taken a creative writing course while in university? Did it help you and would you encourage writers to take one?

[Anonymous No.22920859]

>>22920760

The first few hundred rejections are a warm up.

[Anonymous No.22920883]

>>22920577
That's right, I'm doing antiphilosophy. Nice to see my writings are making you agitated. That's the point. You will never own the means of production, pinko

[Anonymous No.22920906]

>>22920883

Only thing you're pulling off is learning disability.

[Anonymous No.22920915]

>>22920793
I took one. I was a shitheel though. I remember one day in class writing down whatever I conceived was the opposite of the advice our teacher was writing on the board.

In the long run you're going to have to spend a bunch of time by yourself reading and writing and figuring out your own path. But that being said taking a class if you have the means and time certainly isn't going to hurt anything. I wouldn't take more than one class though. Really what you are looking for is exposure to authors whom you might not have found if it weren't for the class. Being 19 and introduced to Donald Barthelme definitely put a jag on my trajectory. I walked around with 60 Stories like it was the bible.

[Anonymous No.22920939]

>>22910177
>nay
I don't like using nay the way you did unless it's a period piece where it may fit. in yours it may or may not fit

>That wasn't a fight against a mere martial artist, that was more akin to trying to fight a category 5 hurricane
This has several problems typical of drafts but easily cleaned up in editing. That isn't the correct word in either instance, you should use It. It's also too wordy, "to trying to fight". category 5 hurricane is oddly specific and serves as a distraction, just use hurricane.

Looking through the rest of it also confirms first draft errors - which you shouldn't be discouraged by - but they need to be cleaned up.
>His efforts to parry were met with torn flesh, as the very arms he tried to guard with were nearly shattered from the iron-hard strikes his opponent possessed
it's clunky
His efforts to parry were rewarded with torn flesh, his arms left aching and bruised by precise, iron-hard strikes.

[Anonymous No.22921032]

>>22920793
Several. It depends entirely on the professor desu. Under my first two professors, I learned next to nothing, but under my third, I learned so much and ended up liking the classes so much that I wound up taking every writing course that professor offered that I could. If you're considering taking a course, I suggest you look into whoever you'll be studying under. Make sure they've been published. If they haven't, it's probably not worth your time. Also look into what kinds of books they have written or for author interviews, that sort of thing.

[Anonymous No.22921080]

>>22920793
There was a creative writing class in high school, and also a special literature course to go with it. Those two courses are definitely why I ended up wanting to write, even if it took later into college for me to decide to do more than write nonsense.

[Anonymous No.22921250]

>>22918983

Over all, I think it's beautiful.

That said, ot's a bit confusing in the bus paragraph. The "he" that is being referred to ("why didn't he stop?"), is that the bus driver? I assume so. Rather than forcing the reader to do a double take to figure that out you could just say, why didn't the driver stop? Unless you are going for some ambiguity but the ambiguity in this case would just be confusing and interferes in the flow. The paragraph is already a difficult read in terms of flow, so I don't think ambiguity is warranted here.

I think you should consider withholding Peter's name until the dialogue where he says "I'm Peter." And before that just referring to him by his pronoun. It has more impact that way (though it's admittedly already an emotionally loaded moment), feeling like a revelation or twist, because before this, really his name is not important at all.

There's more confusion because there's a person named Mícheál who is not dealt with, but is it the father or an older brother?

The fact that a dead man was mentioned in the bus paragraph also introduces the possibilty that this was him, but I don't think it was. So there's this sense of confusion in the end, which isn't a good effect.

[Anonymous No.22921681]

>>22921250
Thanks anon - top notch comments

Do you write? Would be happy to review some of yours

[Anonymous No.22921754]

Thoughts on this short story? pastebin.com/3uQFdMFa

>>22918983
It is well written. Has a nice flow to it. A bit confused about the bus and its role in the story. Almost felt disoriented by it. Also, did I understand correctly that Micheal is Peters's father?

[Anonymous No.22921761]

Saddled with grocery bags and his worn leather suitcase, finalised tax return folded neatly inside, Alan turns off Pasture Lane down a dim alley—only one poor person in sight, mostly free of litter—and coughs down his sleeve. Ignoring the pain in his throat, well-aware that fresh blood now runs through the inner lining of his coat (his father's suede coat), he spits into the drain and peers up at the legible graffiti. Pastel platitudes chalked up by local artists, paying tribute to local businesses, serve as natural advertisements for the brick and mortars who licence out their red and white washed canvas. Turning up bright Dairy Hill, he licks his lips and chuckles to himself about the irony of it all, and how everything works itself out, as long as you are patient.

Wide open. The door. Of his home. 'Good grief, woman,' he mutters. Any man young or old could walk right in and pour himself a latte. Panting, Alan takes each porch step as it comes, cracks here and there, nothing he won’t be liquid for one day. Inside, he rests in the sunlight slanted across the dusty wooden floor. The planks groan beneath his weight. ‘Kids?’ he calls. He coughs, long and hard, and lets his burden down around him. From a grocery bag, a broken bottle rolls out, spilling milk as it disappears down the gloomy entrance hallway of his Victorian heritage.

He clears his throat.

'Alice?' he yells. 'Kids? Why is the door open?'

His question echoes through the house into silence.

[Anonymous No.22921780]

>>22921761
Needs a few tweaks, but I like it.

[Anonymous No.22921846]

>>22921681
>Would be happy to review some of yours

I'd appreciate that. I'm still trying to finish a novel now, but I'll save your email and hopefully we'll be in touch. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.22921856]

>>22921780

thanks, I noticed some issues after posting, will share a longer version in the future

[Anonymous No.22921904]

>>22921761
>>22921856
I've been putting things on rentry so I can quietly edit my fuckups without frantically deleting all my posts and running off to bathe in tar and feathers

[Anonymous No.22921978]

[Anonymous No.22921986]

>>22921904

thanks for the tip! here's a different story if u have nothing better to do. this one is 'finished,' but also just a prototype of a story that will be 2 or 3 times longer. you will see why e..g. it's quite rushed in some places. I'm personally a fan of the ultra-stripped down style in general, but expect others will hate it, and parts of it are simply underdeveloped. one such part is the quasi-metafictional layer; the George character is in fact a bastardized version of the author George Saunders, and the protagonist is me as the writer

[Anonymous No.22921993]

>>22921986

p57vmg

^ for the rentry url

[Anonymous No.22922128]

>>22921754
I liked it; very easy read and the emotional thread is there. I didn't get the point of the colours - there was a lot of colour descriptions, too much in my opinion for such a short piece.

[Anonymous No.22922132]

>>22921754
Forgot to say thanks for feedback - I was trying to go for disorientation to reflect the mother's dementia in prose. Yes Michael is the father. I think I'll revise to make things a tad clearer

[Anonymous No.22922310]

>>22920793
I reached out to my university's creative writing professor and he called me a hack without even looking at any thing I wrote

[Anonymous No.22922343]

>>22907217
Just DO IT

[Anonymous No.22922386]

The crack of a twig broke the drone. Then more and more came: and along with them, the
crunching of leaves, the displacement of pebbles, some small grunts of exertion, the faint smell
of smoke, all sorts of sounds and scents piercing through the night. And now comes a glow over
yonder, a shine approaching closer. The darkness retreated, only to consume the ground the light
had abandoned in its march forward. Now do they come into view. A man, singular, solitary,
riding upon a horse. He wears a cloak, the cloth old and weak, barely holding it’s form, riddled
with holes and tears, new additions added to their number by thickets of the forest; his trousers
and shoes caked in mud; his shirt stained by his sweat; and bundled away in a satchel fastened to
the horse's saddle, a great book. He is tired, as is his horse. They have been traveling for weeks,
and the man had gone to great lengths to hide their tracks. Yet there is no exhaustion that can be
observed in him. The wanderer bears a smile, one that alludes not to madness, nor to some ironic
appreciation of his circumstance; it is triumph, pure triumph. He believes himself victorious.
Here, in this forest, with his torch in hand, witnessed by the owls and the wolves, he is a
conqueror, a king. Shadows coward away from his procession, and the wanderer reaches into his
satchel and grabs hold of the book. He had fooled them all. For all they say about the cleverness
and miserly nature of the Hebrews, none of them had suspected the kindly doctor. None had
guessed at his true intentions. With one hand, he lifts his prize above his head, whooping and
hollering into the void. A lonely Caesar parading the spoils of war before a thoughtless audience.

[Anonymous No.22922419]

>>22922386
Holy run-on sentence, Batman

[Anonymous No.22922479]

>>22907364
Cause that's more like a play

[Anonymous No.22922484]

I'm writing, and the scent of oranges brings back memories of his parents deaths because he peeled and fed them to his parents when they were too sick to do so for themselves.
I'm wondering if you prefer the shorter
>Suddenly it was like he was ten years old again, peeling oranges for them. The sweetness that he so loved tasted like nothing but pith to him now.
Or the longer
>Suddenly it was like he was ten years old again, peeling oranges for them at the end. The sweetness that he so loved tasted like nothing but pith to him now, he could only remember the juices in the air stinging his eyes as they mixed with tears.
I think the longer lacks the same punch due to its length and the direct
>at the end
Is too much.
The first leaves some ambiguity as for why he hates oranges so much, but it was already stated that his parents died of sickness when he was young, and here shortly after it will be revealed that someone else is living at the orchard that his parents owned.
Something that I've noticed about my writing is that some people dislike how I allude to things rather than being more direct.
I still explain, but I don't like filling out a scene with them, and I'd rather make my readers wait just a little bit and give them what they need to understand instead of having them open wide for the airplane.

[Anonymous No.22922498]

>>22908201
The only example of simultaneous scenes working I can think of is visual media. But people can't read two sections at once, they'd go cross-eyed

[Anonymous No.22922502]

>>22922484
The scent of oranges brought back memories of his parents deaths. They were so weak and sick on their deathbeds. His fingers felt every slice of skin he peeled from the citrus. Every drop of juice became the tears that leaked out from his eyes. He was ten years old again, peeling oranges for his parents too sick to do it themselves. The sweet flavors from the fruit became bitter, like pith, and he stopped.

[Anonymous No.22922524]

>>22922484
I'd say first one. You're filtering plebs by alluding keep doing it. Maybe
>He was ten years old again, peeling oranges for them, fingers stained with regret. Citrus stung his eyes with memories, the sweet fruit tasting like pith to him now.

[Anonymous No.22922603]

>>22922484

The shorter sentence is better.

[Anonymous No.22922628]

Intro to the novel I'm trying to take to an MFA
Thoughts?

>At that time, I was dealing ketamine and Sadie was already dead.

>I had fallen or had always been falling into a specter of the Rennie family. John, Sadie’s brother, had been a close acquaintance of mine since middle school. We would shake hands in the hallways and joke over the internet when our friends were playing video games. Either way, John was moon close enough to see the goings on of my earth. So, it was from afar that I saw the unravelings of a family and friend group at the hands of their baby’s suicide.

>John and Sadie and them were the phenomenon, the group of kids that eclipse, everyone knew to stop and look, brevity, or at least that's what it felt like. They called themselves The Valley Girls, which I thought was funny because Piedmont, in its linguistic blueprint, meant foot hills, meaning a transition between flat planes and the mountains, meaning the promise of escalation, meaning not escalation but almost, meaning almost. Anyways:

[Anonymous No.22922642]

I'm celebrating a victory. One week done. I'm going to do it this year. All I want is to prove to myself that I can keep a writing habit. I don't care whether its good writing or not, I just want to keep my own word.

[Anonymous No.22922648]

>>22922628
Strong start but begins to ramble

[Anonymous No.22922680]

Reiath looked at Deiath's blade. Blood dripped from its tip.
"How could you?" Reiath asked.
Deiath didn't answer.
"Answer me!"
"You saw what happened."
"So what? He didn't deserve to die!"
"Maybe, but your screaming won't change anything. He's still dead."
"How are we going to explain this to dad? You just killed his and mom's favorite bull. You know how much he and she loved him."
"More than us..."
"Of course more than us! We could never pleasure the two like he could!"
"R... I'm going to leave now."

[Anonymous No.22922729]

>protagonist is in a position of authority
>he sees his sister walking around and talking to him as he goes about his duties
>eventually it is revealed that she is dead, he knows that she is dead, and is still paying attention to her

How do I gut punch the audience the hardest?

[Anonymous No.22922761]

>>22922729
have him leave a flower on her gravestone

[Anonymous No.22922769]

>>22922729
Everything he is doing for her is actually for her funeral.
He gets her favorite flowers and foods, he gets her a new bed and makes sure that it is the softest one available, sparing no expenses.
The entire time he is talking with her and reminiscing with her about all the stuff she likes.
>Why don't we get X?
>I like Y more. Don't you remember?
>Of course
And mentions some anecdote about it.
At the end of the day she walks hand and hand with him into the party, and once they reach the centerpiece, her spirit lies down in the coffin and he says goodbye.

[Anonymous No.22923204]

>>22922642
Nice. Do you track how much time it takes you to write any amount of words? If you write at a consistent pace then you can dial up your writing sessions for more output per day.

Also, to help you write just remember that nothing worthwhile is written in one draft. Write your first draft so that you have something to shape and mold in later drafts.

[Anonymous No.22923224]

>>22917737
This is why I believe any fanfiction author worth their salt as a writer should file the serial numbers off and publish original work. Make money dammit.

[Anonymous No.22923254]

>>22917613
Change everything about the original property to suit your personal tastes and influences. Take characters settings, and plots in slightly different directions.

> My main character is Luke Skywalker but he's a street rat from Not!Coruscant rather than a farm boy from Tattooine.

> My story is basically Harry Potter but all people with magic potential are spirited away from birth and replaced with changelings rather than receiving letters in the mail.

> My story is like Stephen King's It but the psychic shape-shifting spider is a benevolent alien out to stop a Village of the Damned scenario from taking over the country.

> My story is like the MCU if superheroes started having their adventures *after* The Snap.

[Anonymous No.22923284]

>>22923224
A problem with fanfiction authors is that they're using existing characters that the readers are already familiar with. They don't need to do a lot of characterization for Spock or Harry Potter, or describe their relations with other characters. Filing off the names also removes all the extra-textual background.

Gideon the Ninth is an example of a fanfic author writing her own book. She introduces a lot of characters without giving the reader many details or much time to get to know them. So the story revolves around a bunch of people with weird names you can't keep straight and don't really care about.

[Anonymous No.22923527]

>>22907689
post a bit of it. I'd like to read it.

[Anonymous No.22923568]

>>22913121
'Famed' and then "is famous". Don't do that.

[Anonymous No.22923573]

>>22913121
You must be new to writing. Either that or you don't read enough.

The phrase should "any, and all, political action", not "any, and all political action".

[Anonymous No.22923593]

>>22914653
The best format is the one that makes the reader want to know what happened and why. Tell a story.

Don't be follow the actual case too closely and you'll be fine.

[Anonymous No.22923600]

>>22914758
Recognizing that something is wrong with your project means you have good instincts. That's better than a lot of writers.

Consider any months you spent working on it as practice for the right idea. Learn to recognize where you went off the rails and what took it from good to shit, then work on patching that hole.

[Anonymous No.22923607]

>>22923600
>Recognizing that something is wrong with your project means you have good instincts
Seriously, most people just bitch that best practices and good advice are limiting their creativity and continue to churn out shit work.

[Anonymous No.22923802]

>>22906815
>>22913529
>>22918497
Ganbare! Even it's only one grain of sand a day, you'll build that beach.

[Anonymous No.22924435]

Could I post my world concept from worldbuilding general here too? Or would that just clog up the thread?

[Anonymous No.22924465]

>>22924435
Schizos do it without asking anyway.

[Anonymous No.22924475]

>>22924465
Okay then. Here it comes. Reposting.

So I have this new underdeveloped idea for a fictional world, I frankly just want an interesting and unique premise for it as well as cultural explorations.
The gist
>ancient era world, think ancient Greece
>in this world, literally all gods exist. Think of final fantasy 14 but the gods are more widespread
>religion and strong faith can give you magical power
>Religious warfare is a numbers game, except when people are pushed into desperation
>this world has literally destroyed itself many times as a result of religious conflict given how much power religion and faith has and this version of the world just so happens to be the most successful incarnation of it
>mfw most people in the world don't even know this
>any religious nut could start up a religion and go on a crusade if they have enough faith and conviction, making the world very volatile
>strong, centralized religions with a centralized authority have the most power in the world
>No one knows who the one true God is, trying to assert theirs as it to create a single unified religion to manifest the one true God by maximizing human faith
>No one agrees on which God
>oh yeah also the people in this world have access to weirdly advanced alien technology
>while a select few can truly use magic, as the result of the maliciousness of one 'lost god'/a god of a dying religion, he imbued his magical power into jewels so that humanity may forever throw itself into conflict over power as revenge for the people losing faith in him

Enough with the greentexts. I also wanted to, as cringe as it sounds, deviate a bit from a more European inspired world and take from more niche historical empires as well as some more niche historical European cultures. One problem I ran into in terms of religion was the logic regarding 'creation myths' as pretty much every group of people have had a creation myth, why do these gods not exist? So far, my logic is that these religions, from organized to animist lack the spiritual power to manifest the one true God. Thematically, I'd like for it to explore how religion can both be used as a tool of oppression but also how religion can give people strength in hard times.

Don't be surprised if parts of it don't make sense its new and a bunch of ideas cobbled together to make a unique world, though I encourage you to bring it up or mention it so I can develop it further.

[Anonymous No.22924578]

>>22924475
>in this world, literally all gods exist. Think of final fantasy 14 but the gods are more widespread
>No one knows who the one true God is, trying to assert theirs as it to create a single unified religion to manifest the one true God by maximizing human faith
How does this work, are gods present in humanity's day-to-day life or is it just something like "if you believe really hard in this idea of god, you get more power"? The biggest issue with religion irl is the concept of faith and the fact you can't definitely prove to someone your belief is correct.

[Anonymous No.22924631]

>>22924578
>How does this work, are gods present in humanity's day-to-day life or is it just something like "if you believe really hard in this idea of god, you get more power"?
I would say it's a bit of both, not to mention not all gods are necessarily all powerful beings. So for instance, for a more 'animist' religion or religion with multiple gods, say God of the land or God of the sea... the faith of the people can give the God both physical form and the God may take on the collective values and beliefs of its followers. So for example, a god of war may be fostered by a group of people who are more militaristic in their values.
A god of land for example may alter the land to fit the peoples desires or may make certain conditions more favorable, the stronger the faith, the more power they have though this can be limited by things such as population size.
A god of war may take physical form in battle and appear to fight alongside his people, also having strength based upon collective faith. So basically a one man army, or God in this case. There can be a change in the values of a god or religion, however there must be an agreement and similar sentiment among all its followers. Or at the very least someone with enough power to enforce said values.
A gods connection with the world may also be amplified through any kind of tribute, memorial or commemoration or simply by sticking to the values they created. This increases the spiritual connection between the two.
Some people with particularly strong divine links may achieve magical powers or abilities, becoming sort of 'demigods', but it's quite rare and uncommon. However the access to magical jeweler, often by the rich can make it so that non natural magic users can have access to powerful magic themselves.

Don't know if that really answers your question.

[Anonymous No.22924717]

>>22922128
thanks, I hadn't noticed the frequent color descriptions.

>>22922132
I think that the reader can figure out Michael is the father as is.

[Anonymous No.22924725]

How do you guys cope with life while writing? I mean to say, how much immersed are you in your writing as compared to everyday life. In other words, how to keep myself from getting too carried away and end up being depressed if nothing comes out of it.

[Anonymous No.22924732]

>>22924725
>how to keep myself from getting too carried away and end up being depressed if nothing comes out of it.
No idea, but tell me if you ever find out.
I'm kinda banking on the idea that I can succeed or die by 30.

[Anonymous No.22924763]

>>22924631
>Don't know if that really answers your question.
it does but it makes me more confused. I don't really get how this concept of godhood works because it sounds like people just imbue and animate certain properties of life (like war, land etc.) just by believing that said properties can transform and take a god-form. But maybe I'm just reading it wrong so let me give you another, more practical, question. How would your world deal with modern Christianity, a conglomerate of beliefs that basically all follow the exact same God (at least on a surface level). Same thing with Sunnis and Shias. Or how about the greek and roman god pantheon, they had after all sort of the same gods, with different names and somewhat different attributes in practice but still close enough in concept at least that you could claim they worshipped the same thing (yes I know that this last subject is much more complex but for the sake of the argument let's roll with this).

[Anonymous No.22924768]

>>22924732
>I'm kinda banking on the idea that I can succeed or die by 30.
Damn, my brother from another mother, how's your journey on the road to salvation going?

[Anonymous No.22924779]

>>22924768
I am making roughly five and a quarter USD a month on Patreon, depending on the exchange rate at least, since one is a Euro and the other is an Aussie.
I'm writing a story for the RR magazine contest, and I intend to self-publish it on Amazon to hopefully pull in a few bucks, but I don't have super high expectations for it even though I think it is good so far and will turn out well when finished.

[Anonymous No.22924803]

>>22924763
You should first note I'm not very well researched on every religion so pardon if something sounds a bit nonsensical of like a total misunderstanding of religion.

The way I understand your question is that it seems to be asking how my world handles religions that have similar fundamental ideas but have different interpretations of them such as the different sects of Christianity. It's a good question I haven't considered.

It's possible they'd create separate gods with different values. So you may have two versions of the same God but who act slightly differently or offer different properties depending on the values of the followers. The more powerful one may be the one who has more followers.
The way I see it in my world, it may not be a problem since one group may simply assert themselves over another smaller group since every God essentially exists. Its also why having a centralized authority on a religion may also be more important in this world, so a group of powerful people who can centralize and legitimize their power saying this version is the proper way to go. Even though gods objectively exist in this world, there isnt a single right answer and there's no single all powerful God because that requires the collective faith of most if not all of humanity to manifest.

My answer isn't perfect and i likely wont have a satisfying one in this thread, but it is a good question for me to think about in my own time.

[Anonymous No.22924814]

>>22924779
I don't mean to judge but that sounds like a decent sum, depending on where you live and your living conditions. Not "succeeding" but a good start nonetheless. For how long have you been posting and doing patreon?

[Anonymous No.22924819]

>>22924814
I should clarify, when I said five and a quarter, I meant $5.25, not $525.
If I made a few hundred a month then I'd consider that to be fantastic, since I'm partly crippled and still live at home, so I have no real living costs.
I've been doing Pateron for only about half a year, and I've been posting since August of 2021 if I recall correctly.

[Anonymous No.22924853]

>>22924803
>You should first note I'm not very well researched on every religion
it's okay anon, I'm not trying to destroy your ideas with "facts and logic", just giving my opinions on this. One more thing I don't get is why would people try to find the "one true God" when they can all pretty much manifest their own version of a god for basically anything? And secondly, if most people can and supposedly, understand that they're capable of this, why would coming together to decide on the God that rules over all gods be such a problem, since you're jumping over the biggest hurdle of faith from the start.
>So you may have two versions of the same God but who act slightly differently or offer different properties depending on the values of the followers.
Ok but just as a follow up, a quick google search claims that "there are over 45.000 denominations of Christianity in the world". Now I really doubt that number but let's just tone it way down to like 200. You claimed in your original post that there have been plenty world ending wars and what not caused by religion so I'll assume that there's a lot of religious split and schism in your universe. How will you handle all of those new appearing gods caused by all this conflict. Would they die/disappear if no one is there to worship them (are they even really gods if that happens?). Or will you just have religious wars that end with one side completely genociding the other so the overall number of religions remains sort of the same through the story?

Sorry if all of this is autistic, your idea is pretty interesting so it got me thinking. Hopefully this helps in some way.

[Anonymous No.22924859]

>>22924819
Ah, I'm sorry to hear about your disability anon. And yeah my bad, I didn't take that as $5.25 now I get it. Good luck with your grind then.

[Anonymous No.22924862]

>>22924725
It occupies my thoughts in 60-80% of my waking life.

[Anonymous No.22924879]

>>22924725
The only thing I care about is writing, everything else is uninteresting to me

[Anonymous No.22924882]

>Words written since the start of the new year: 0

[Anonymous No.22924909]

>>22924882
Let me check mine, now I'm curious. Looks like I'm right around the ballpark of 7500 words, which is actually pretty terrible for me. Gotta pump up those numbers today.

[Anonymous No.22924939]

>>22924853
>Would they die/disappear if no one is there to worship them (are they even really gods if that happens?). Or will you just have religious wars that end with one side completely genociding the other so the overall number of religions remains sort of the same through the story?

In my mind, both. The latter would be one of the more sucky aspects of the world, they'd try to severe the connection of their people with their God, destruction of their monuments, killing of their people, emerging their own monuments etc etc. The latter would cause the former. In my mind, there are multiple major religions with a lot of power, but also smaller more localized religions with less power but fulfills the needs of their people. You essentially are trying to build a religious empire with the most generally applicable set of beliefs as possible. A religion with more influence will almost always be more powerful than one with less influence. Even if they both exist.

As for your other question, I think it would be hard to agree upon which God should be the one true God. Because how I see it when you're following Christianity and can see the power it brings, the miracles it brings, and have a neighbor who follows Islam and has its own miracles it brings, I imagine people are going to disagree on which God should rule over all.
I imagine it a bit like a philosophical debate. We can maybe agree upon some general traits, a god that is kind, all loving, potentially merciful, omnipotent, all powerful, but there may be a divide in terms of the details such as what does it mean for a God to be good?
I also realized I have not really considered religions that are more atheistic or lack any single all powerful God. I believe iirc Hinduism and Buddhism are technically atheistic.

[Anonymous No.22924957]

>>22924882
yeah, but how many words have you written on 4chan this year?

[Anonymous No.22924979]

>>22924939
>I also realized I have not really considered religions that are more atheistic or lack any single all powerful God. I believe iirc Hinduism and Buddhism are technically atheistic.
That is an interesting case for your universe. While I wouldn't call most asiatic religions atheistic (for example Hinduism is full of deities and Buddhism has good/evil spirits and what not), some of them do veer more into the direction of "philosophy on how to live life" rather than "believing in an all powerful being" like most european/african/middle eastern religions were/are. You could maybe do something with this as well, maybe have groups of monks that follow such religions of self control where, they might not directly believe in a god, but by following a strict ritual and living a certain lifestyle could lead them to indirectly create gods of their own aspect (but I don't really know where you could go from a story perspective with "the god of harmony" or "the god of calmness" etc.). This is probably a trashy idea but maybe you'll make something of it.
You could also look into the new world religions, having some cults focused on sacrificing large quantities of people for power (forcing them to expand and conquer more places leading them to being more hated by foreigners leading them to more sacrifices as they need more power and so on could be a """""fun""""" story to follow).
>pic rel

[Anonymous No.22925107]

>>22924909
Think I'm about there, too, though, on the lower end, closer to 7.3k, maybe? But, that's fine, I've had no unproductive days.

[Anonymous No.22925149]

>>22924882
You wrote 9 just right now :)

[Anonymous No.22925195]

>>22908251
You need an ending with a point to your story. Figure that out before your beginning. You're stuck because you have no idea where you are going.

Figure out the final point of the story. Figure out what problem brings that out - that's your middle. Then figure out your beginning. Do all of this before writing.

You are ready to outline when you know who your principal characters are, what problems will beset them, and where it all leads as well as the point of it all. Use cause and effect to plot it out. Take the story to intriguing sequences that are enjoyable to read along the way. Each one leads into the next.

A funny thing happens. Outlining with cause and effect brings the story to life. It may lead to a new, more true resolution. You understand your characters more, thus their actions feel more natural.

When you write, follow your outline but explore every scene or sequence. Stick to a spirit of the story rather than the skeleton. It might lead to another different resolution than intended. The story will take on a greater life of its own. Et cetera.

That will become your first draft. It will be the block of marble upon which you can chisel away to make your statue. You can figure out what works, what is needed, and ways to punch up charges, dialogue, descriptions, whole scenes etc. Don't struggle to get everything right the first time.

[Anonymous No.22925255]

https://pastebin.com/nKCXPkJB

I know it's long but I wrote this and would appreciate any feedback. It is my attempt at a start of a Terry Pratchett-esque fantasy/comedy. It's just the first chapter.

It's likely cringe but the only way to get better is to try. So, I would appreciate any advice. Especially when it comes to just the prose in general.

[Anonymous No.22925282]

>>22925255
Well... at least you nailed Pratchett's tone. Style and grammar are good. Poor little bullied tiefling is cliche but cliche isn't always bad

[Anonymous No.22925413]

>>22924979
>Buddhism has good/evil spirits and what not
Those are not gods.
t. Catholic Buddhism/taoism enjoyer.

Fun fact: you could, technically, be a Catholic buddhist, as long as you never acknowledge any other God than the Holy Trinity.

[Anonymous No.22925427]

>>22923573

[Anonymous No.22925455]

>>22925427
Reddit image, shit tier take to sacrifice structural flow for context which is never lost in actually existing instances.

[Anonymous No.22925467]

>>22925427
Reading the post you are replying to, I don't see what the comma after and all is supposed to mean.
If it was spoken, I could see the comma being that the person is emphasizing their words with a pause. But I don't see what separation is needed there.

[Anonymous No.22925477]

>>22925255

Didn't finish. My advice is not to copy Pratchett. And if you still want to, try to understand from a more abstract way why his stories work. He has a tendency to toy with genres- which isn't so novel an idea anymore. To recreate his process, round up a bunch of similar tropes and toy with their absurdities (contradictions, peculiarities, the problems with them due to modern moral sensibilities).

You don't have Dough Adams and Neil Gaiman to call up when you're stuck like he did. And, as such, your humor doesn't really land for me- could be a personal thing. Humor, they say, is the hardest thing to do in writing. You may want to get other parts of your writing down before you try to tackle humor.

[Anonymous No.22925497]

>>22925477
I'm smirking so hard right now. You quite literally have no idea what your talking about. Fuck you.

Can I please get someone intellectual to review this:
>>22925255

[Anonymous No.22925506]

>>22925477
Appreciate the feedback! What other parts do you think I'd need to nail down?
Also >>22925497
isn't me but I appreciate any criticism or review!

[Anonymous No.22925541]

>>22925455
>REEEEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.22925567]

>>22924939
I read your exchange with the other anon. First up, your basic premise
>in this world, literally all gods exist. Think of final fantasy 14 but the gods are more widespread
>religion and strong faith can give you magical power
Reminds me of Dofus/Wakfu, a french mmo and other media franchise where the characters worship deities and gain powers based off them. e.g. There's a panda god, and his worshipers begin to look like Panda-men.
You might review them for an idea of how they handle it.

Second, if humans and gods have a symbiotic relationship, I think what should matter is the belief of the initial person or persons that created the God. When a physical deity is present to answer questions, schisms won't happen. The whole reason the Pope is "God's voice on earth" for Catholics is to avoid schism. The schisms that did happen were caused by "Well I don't think the Bishop of Rome is the absolute voice of God." If your god is someone you can just visit at his temple, then it makes things a lot more clean cut and dry- a religious dispute doesn't have to be voted on, the god can just declare which side is right. The debate ends INSTANTLY. You get what I mean?

I like it though, it's got potential.

I'm writing my own setting where humans and gods intermingle, but it's more like an exercise in "What if man wasn't the supreme being on his own planet, but a second species existed above us on the food chain?" The upper species does present themselves as godlike beings to man, so most people follow them, despite knowing that they are fallible and capable of doing bad things and contradicting themselves. Adding further complexity, some of them have their own religions, which some humans ask, "well why go through the middleman and go straight to their form of worship?" However, these religions are mysterious and esoteric, so they just go "no it's 2deep4u, worship us instead and we'll Save you."

[Anonymous No.22925770]

>>22925767
>>22925767
>>22925767
...because our time here is short

[Anonymous No.22926038]

>>22925770
It seems our time is always short...